It was Latin Night on Dancing With the Stars, which means Rumba, Samba and teeny costumes.
Marie Osmond was out first with the Samba (and actually her costume wasn’t so teeny, but she has got great legs). It was rather a sedate Samba, which was a bit weird because she’s been much higher energy in much lower energy dances. I liked it, mostly because I like her, but it wasn’t a great performance. It was what happened after the performance that became the defining event of the night…
I’d already read online that she’d collapsed during the judges comments, so it was a bit stressful to watch, knowing it was going to happen, but when it did it was still shocking. The audience laughed to begin with, but then there was a horrible silence, a shot of the judges looking stunned, and they went to break. After the break, host Tom Bergeron reassured the audience that Marie was okay and that her first words when she came round were “Oh crap”. Honestly, can we import Tom Bergeron to replace Bruce? Could you imagine the confused flapping if someone fainted in the UK version?
Jane Seymour’s Rumba was wonderful. She’s got no hip action at all, but the rest of it was great and she acted it beautifully. The judges loved it.
Mark Cuban was bottom of the leader board last week, but saved in the voting. Mark had apparently encouraged Kym to make the dance more fun. I think he uttered the words “F*** the judges.” Yikes. It was a really fun routine. They danced to the I Dream of Jeannie theme tune, Kym was dressed as Jeannie and Mark was a nerd and it was cute. He’s not a great dancer, but it made me laugh. Bruno called it “2007: A Geek Fantasy!”
There were comments left on last week’s review that Sabrina Bryan is a ringer, brought in because the show’s producers want a female winner. I don’t know enough about Sabrina Bryan’s dance history to comment on that (although I do know that on Strictly, whenever there’s a suggestion that a celebrity has danced before, they always say that ballroom dancing is a completely different discipline). That aside, Sabrina said she struggled with the intimacy of the Rumba so what did her partner do? Got his mum in to dance with her. Oh yes, that’s much less embarrassing.
It worked though, because their Rumba was both very sexy and romantic. I loved it. Tom said, “I think I speak for many people in America when I say ‘Get a room’”. Every week I love him more. Judges Len Goodman and Bruno Tonioni argued with Len saying there were too many tricks and Bruno claiming they were justified. They still scored 28.
Jennie Garth was next. In training, she struggled, as her professional partner Derek put it, to “shake her fun stuff”. She didn’t struggle with that on the night, but she did make a few mistakes and a lot of it was rather tentative and she looked a bit embarrassed. She’s a lovely dancer, but as Carrie Ann Inaba commented, she needs to feel it as well as do it.
Helio Castroneves took his partner Julianne to practise their Rumba on a California beach at sunset. He said it took their chemistry to a whole new level and it would certainly have worked for me. It didn’t work for them though. He looked under-rehearsed, at times he put me in mind of Mr Bean and it was even a little bit creepy. Carrie Ann said it was awkward. Len said it was too mechanical. Even Bruno didn’t like it. Oh dear.
Mel B was in the bottom two last week, which was a bit of a puzzler. I didn’t love her Waltz, but it certainly wasn’t bad. During the week she’d gone to London to film the Spice Girls video and there was a clip of Emma, Victoria and Geri looking like drag queens. When did the Spice Girls get so old? Makes me feel ancient. I did laugh at Emma’s comment though – “You need to keep her in. Because then she’s not with us!” This week Mel’s Samba was fantastic. They danced to Spice Up Your Life and it was just fabulous. Loved it. They scored 29 (yes, Len was the stingy one).
Cameron Mathison’s Rumba was extremely sexy. His partner Edyta was basically wearing underwear and string and it told a very passionate story. Carrie Ann loved it, but again claimed there was a lift. The woman’s obsessed – obsessed! Len told Edyta to stop doing so many “one legged things” and he’s got a point. She does seem to love stretching those legs up in the air! She does it in pretty much every routine. But then if I had legs like that, I’d wave them about too.
At the end of the show, Mel and Maks were top and Marie and Jonathan and Mark and Kym were joint bottom.
At the end of the results show, Jane Seymour and Mark Cuban were in the bottom two and Mark went out. It was fair enough – at this point it’s got to be about dancing and he was the weakest dancer by far. And I mean far. Seems like a nice billionaire man though. Mark said that during the course of the show he’s lost about 30 lbs. 30! That’s – what? – more than 2 stone? I’ve got to do more dancing and less sitting!
Dancing With the Stars, UKTV Gold, Friday 2 November, 8pm
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