Thankfully, Samantha Harris is back and Drew Lachey is gone. She was on maternity leave the past few weeks and I’m guessing she’s breastfeeding since by the end of the show one of her boobs was considerably bigger than the other. But enough about boobs, what about the dancing?

Mark Cuban was out first doing the Viennese Waltz and it was a really sweet routine. I loved the choreography, but I thought Mark still looked a bit stiff and laboured. (Although he *is* visibly thinner each week.) Judge Bruno Tonioni said he looked a bit like “Bigfoot in a suit”, but his fellow judges Len Goodman and Carrie Ann Inaba were quite impressed.

Sabrina Bryan was next with the Paso Doble to Dead or Alive’s You Spin Me Round. I found the music distracting, but the routine was thrilling. I wouldn’t have known she wasn’t a professional dancer and the judges raved too. She scored 30, which is pretty fabulous for week 4. Her reaction made me cry. I’m such a nellie.

Jane Seymour’s introduction rubbed me up the wrong way – she seems full of herself – but her dance was gorgeous. She’s very elegant – at one point she reminded me of a ballerina jewellery box I used to have – but she also comes across as cold. Carrie Ann claimed there was a lift, which set off a bit of a heated debate between the judges, but Jane still scored 26. Oddly, when they were discussing the lift afterwards, Jane responded in an American accent. Hmm. So I guess I can add fake to the list of things I don’t like about her, eh?

Floyd Mayweather was furious to be in the bottom two last week. He was determined to be great this week, but I thought he blew it. His footwork was dodgy and the routine was much too difficult for him. Len said that because he gives 100% he loses a bit of control, but said it was a “bloody good job”. Carrie Ann reckoned Karina did a lift too and defined a lift as “something you can’t do on your own” which is clearly nonsense, since they do loads of stuff together that they couldn’t do on their own.

The Viennese Waltz wasn’t Mel B’s dance. It was okay, but I thought it was a bit clumpy. Maksim said in the introduction that he struggled to get her to concentrate and I thought she looked under-rehearsed, but the judges disagreed – they said it was wonderful.

A couple of weeks ago, Bruno compared Cameron Mathison to Clark Kent and he’s really taken it on board. This week he danced to the Superman theme music, with a Superman style “C” logo on his chest. The dance was incredible. His professional partner, Edyta, apparently struggled to match the choreography to the music, but you wouldn’t have known, she did a great job and the ending was absolutely breathtaking. The judges loved it and they scored 27.

Marie Osmond also looks like she’s lost a bunch of weight – has she really had eight kids? Anyway, her dress was vile and I hate her hair extensions (or possibly her hair) and I didn’t love the routine either. It didn’t seem like a Viennese Waltz to me and she looked a bit unsteady. But she seems like a lovely woman and the judges liked it (they liked everything this week).

My obsession with Jennie Garth’s looks continues. She actually looked more like 90210 Kelly to me this week; it must be the make-up. Again, the music was distracting – I don’t know what it was, but I didn’t think it was suited to the Paso Doble at all – but it was a good routine and she danced it beautifully. Carrie Ann knocked off a point for yet another lift – she’s lift obsessed – but Len loved it and gave it a 10.

Since I complained about Marie’s dress I should mention that Helio Castroneves’ partner Julianne’s was beautiful. The routine gave me the shivers and despite the fact that I was watching Julianne more than Helio (because she’s fabulous), you can see his joy in dancing. Carrie Ann said it made her happy to be alive.

Sabrina was top, of course and Mark was bottom, which was fair, but (in the results show) Floyd and Mel B were in the bottom two and Floyd went out. Yes, it should have been Mark, but Floyd was next worst so I wasn’t that bothered. It was a shame that Karina had to go, because she is so sweet. It’s funny how I’m just as attached the the dancers as the celebrities. And when I say funny, I mean sad.

Dancing With the Stars, UKTV Gold, Friday 26 October, 8pm

Dancing With the Stars Week 2 | Week 3