The last series of Dancing With the Stars - the US version of Strictly Come Dancing (back tonight - woo hoo!) - was one of my favourite shows of this year, so I sat down giddily in front of the second episode of the latest series (I was gutted to find I'd be missing last week's first episode ... but then I *was* on holiday in Spain).

My husband is less than delighted that he has to make himself scarce on both Friday and Saturday nights for the next three months, but I do it for the football, so... (Actually he would have watched for the gorgeous Josie Maran, but she was knocked out last week.)

The one contestant British viewers are guaranteed to know - Spice Girl Mel B - was up first with a Quickstep. It was fun and she did really well, but something about it didn't thrill me.

Drew Lachey, former brother-in-law of Jessica Simpson (comprende?), is the backstage presenter (the usual co-host, Samantha Harris, is on maternity leave). I don't know what Drew Lachey usually does (was he in a band or was that his brother?), but he's no presenter.

Next up was "Entrepreneur" Mark Cuban. Entrepreneur? They're celebrities now? He was in the bottom two last week, presumably because no-one knows who the hell he is. Then again, his dancing wasn't *that* great. It was okay, and it was a really cool routine (they did the Mambo), but he gurned a lot and it was more about his partner Kym Johnson than him. Judge Bruno Tonioni said brilliantly that "it was like watching a bulldog chasing a squirrel".

Wayne Newton I've heard of because I watch so much American TV, but I don't really know anything about him. Is he a singer? A magician? I could look it up, but I haven't felt the need to find out before, so I don't really feel the need now. I tell you what he's not, though, and that's a dancer. But he did look like he was having fun. He also looks rather like, as Sharon Osborne memorably described David Gest, a face painted on an egg. Scary. I wonder how old he is. I bet he's about 80. I'm not going to look that up either. I'd rather just believe he is.

Marie Osmond looks like she's no stranger to the surgeon's knife either. Or it could be clean living, of course. Her Mambo was really great fun. It was a peculiar routine, but she did brilliantly considering she's not so young either. Plus it really made me want to learn to Mambo. Where can I learn Mambo? Judge Carrie Ann Inaba called her "one hot cougar". Ew. Is that supposed to be a compliment?

The next Quickstep was from a (male) model named Albert Reid. Apparently his Cha-cha last week was fabulous, but I wasn't impressed with his Quickstep. I thought it was a bit wooden and he didn't look entirely comfortable. The judges liked it though, Len Goodman calling him the dark horse of the competition.

"Indi 500 champ" Helio Castroneves is partnered with last season's winning professional, Julianne Hough. It was a great routine with loads of tricks and he kept up with Julianne. If you saw it out of context, you wouldn't know he wasn't a professional. He got 27, which is pretty incredible for week 2.

Jennie Garth - Kelly in Beverly Hills 90210 - hasn't aged as well as Ian Ziering. No, that's not right - she looks great, but unlike Ian, she doesn't look exactly the same as she did on 90210. She appeared to be the most nervous of the contestants so far - you could see the tension in her face - but she still did a really great Quickstep ... until, that is, they did a quite spectacular fall right at the end. She's got really strange teeth - she almost looks like she's got a mouth-guard in. Carrie Ann told her to "stop thinking" so she's obviously going to suffer from the same problems as Ian Ziering. Who knew the 90210 stars were so cerebral?

Sabrina Bryan was top last week with the highest first round score ever (26). I don't know who she is, but she must have been good to beat Mel B. Sabrina's Quickstep was completely fantastic. It was a complicated routine, but she made it look easy. She also looked like she was having the time of her life. Although all the judges loved her, Len and Bruno disagreed that the routine needed more "light and shade" and Len shocked the audience by telling Bruno not to be a "smart arse". Ooh! Sabrina equalled last week's score.

Contestants also included All My Children actor Cameron Mathison, boxer Floyd Mayweather and Dr Quinn/English Rose Jane Seymour, but they were all only okay.

I haven't mentioned before now how much better it is to have a host like Tom Bergeron rather than Bruce Forsyth. I don't have to brace myself for embarrassment every time there's a link like I do on Strictly. He's witty, professional, knows who the contestants are (and where he is) and isn't constantly surprised by the camera like Bruce. Plus so far there hasn't been any sodding tapdancing. Then again, there's Drew Lachey - even the contestants were laughing at his awkward questioning.

I'm sorry, but there's no way I was going to watch the results show - I know from the last series that it's mostly pointless waffle. So I watched Not Going Out (love it!) and half of QI then switched over for the actual result.

Wayne Newton and Albert Reid were in the bottom two and Albert went home. So much for Len's "dark horse" comment. Albert was dancing to the beat of the countdown, but then when his name was called his little face fell and he was obviously surprised to be out. He was a better dancer than Wayne, but Wayne is (apparently) a legend, so I wasn't that surprised. I do hate to see a better dancer go out at the expense of someone's celebrity, but I guess that's par for the course.

Like last season, I can't over how high the standard is. For the second week, I've never seen anything like it. And there are twelve (or so) weeks to go. Brilliant.

Dancing With the Stars, UKTV Gold, Friday 12 October, 8pm