It’s only a short story this dearest reader, but read to the end and you’ll see one of the most brilliant accidental jokes that has ever been uttered.

Star of Celebrity Love Island (and a grainy home home movie with Blue Peter’s John Leslie) Abi Titmuss is trying to go natural with her looks to ditch her ‘fake’ image. Titmuss told Sky Showbiz: “I’ve no fake fingernails, no fake tan, no fake hair anymore. It’s all me. I feel much better actually. For a woman, natural is sexier and I feel more like myself. I’ve stopped drinking for six months. I’m much calmer, I’ve got more spiritual as well. I’ve grown up in the last few months. I’ve been doing a lot of reading.”

She also revealed that she is due to star in a new ITV2 show, where she appears alongside James Lance as a woman that tries flirting with Jesus. [Mof Gimmers - who need insert no joke]