That title should really be followed up with “silver buckles on his…” something, only I can’t think of anything that rhymes with Walford. Fortunately. Joining a long line(*) of ex-comedians who fancy their chances as soap actors, Bobby Davro will begin filming today as new boy “Vince” – and his first romantic conquest will be Shirley “bad girl” Carter, according to today’s Sun.

Pass the sick bag. But before you write him off as just another cockney wide boy cheeky chappie you’re ‘aving a larrrrrrrf entcha cam off it my son ‘ave a word wiv yerself why doncha, remember all that (and more) was said about Alfie Moon, who turned out to be one of the best-loved characters in the history of the EastEnd. Gawd luvvim.

(*) Yes, OK, if we’re talking long-standing characters that “long line” holds just two previous members – Shane Richie as Alfie Moon and Mike Reid as Frank Butcher. I don’t count Melvin Hayes’ brief sojourn as Dot’s driving instructor. Of those two, the former is taking an extended break from the soap, although those famous “doors” have been “left open” (must get awfully draughty on the sets of soaps), the other has now sadly croaked, so what’s a producer to do?

Scout round for another popular seaside entertainer who hasn’t had gainful employment since the 90s and is desperate to get his face back on the nation’s telly, and write a role around him, I guess.

In a laudable effort to make Davro’s new character sound a bit more exciting, the ever-present “BBC insider” (you could spot this person a mile off – they’d have a crick in their neck from all the draughty sets) says: “Vince is a chip off the old block from characters like Alfie and Frank Butcher. He’s lived quite a life and drives a flash car — but all is not quite what it seems. It’s not all kosher.”

Oooh! Intriguing. Nearly. Far be it from me to observe drily that unless he turns out to be Frank’s long-lost love child, he can’t actually be a “chip off the old block.” Now that definitely wouldn’t be kosher.

The source adds: “Vince likes a challenge — and he’ll have a big one on his hands trying to get Shirley to crack a smile. She’s going to find him very irritating.”

I suspect she’s not the only one.