Today marks the end of Big Brother 8. Roughly 3 months have been and gone and to some, it will be a welcome return to normal TV listings. For others, it will be an emotional moment filled with memories of slop, dodgy lapdances and wetting the bed.

For me, I have mixed emotions. I’ve been writing for our sister site, AvailableForPanto, which has meant that I’ve had to watch ALL of the shows… that includes BBLB, BBBM, On The Couch, Diary Room Uncut… and probably more. I’ve enjoyed chunks of it, but boy, I’m glad it’s going… let’s have a look back over the highs and lows… and Charley sodding Uchea…

One of the main problems with recent Big Brother series’ is the matter of everyone being media savvy and self aware. People perting arses to camera, arguing with one eye on the camera, talking randomly to camera and… you get the picture. Of course, this self awareness isn’t just confined to the contestants. The producers have become self aware and are constantly trying to cause friction and scandal in the name of good TV. This is when BB falls down and people sigh to each other and inevitably start grumbling about the demise of television, or ‘will this be the last Big Brother ever?’

Still, that’s not to say that BB8 hasn’t had it’s rewarding moments. In Brian, television has found a true anti-hero. Now, we’re not talking film-noir here, but rather, the lowest form of life (like an amoeba) dragging itself from the primordial soup to shakily stand up on trembling legs and say “Hello world” or “Big Bruvvaa… I’ve had an accident”. Brian is the first person to appear on the box to capture the nations collective heart AND piss himself in bed. No-one else could get away with that. NO-ONE.

Over the months, we’ve seen people fall by the wayside. I dare say we’ve seen the last of Leslie, Jonathan, Nicky, Kara-Louise, David, Laura and Tracey. They came, saw, grumbled and left. Of course, some had the decency to get it over and done with, but Tracey managed to be the love-child of the odious Liam Gallagher and a ‘Crasher kid all rolled into one for faaaar toooo looooong. Like one of the last people at a rave, refusing to accept that reality is creeping up on them, Tracey bumbled and gurned until the ugly lights were turned on and she realised that her dream experience was knee deep in fag ends and her trainers were filthy.

Of course, there were those who went into the house with a career in meeja in mind. Sadly, I can’t promise that we’ve seen the last of this lot. Top of the pile, without a doubt, is the dreadful Charley. Charley is an amazing individual. She talks at 3000mph and ear-splitting volume… and after watching her motor-mouth for months, I was staggered that, not once, did she actually say anything. Desperate for some kind of attention (she seemingly doesn’t mind if that attention is abusive… as long as she’s known) Charley marked a new breed of reality TVer in as much that she was completely unabashed in her quest to be in the papers. Quite why people keep giving her work (be it on The Friday Night Project or 8 Out Of 10 Cats) is beyond me. Ignore her and eventually, she’ll go away, only to be seen hanging off the back of a second division footballer in China Whites.

Of the other kerazy kids with a ‘career’ in mind, we had Billi, Emily, Amy and Chanelle. The latter of course was involved in the love story of the summer. I say love story… there wasn’t any love and not really much of a story either. That said, two people got it on and the nation convinced itself that something amazing was happening. For all that Chanelle and Ziggy acheive in their lives, they will forever be remember for that pair of airheads on Big Brother who had a fumble under the duvet, took it far too seriously and had arguments which saw lots of volume but no-one winning. An OK! shoot awaits. Shabnam also falls into this ‘career’ category, and boy, she’s a f**king nightmare. If you want to know why, click here. That is all you need to know.

One drawback from BB8 was that we didn’t get to see more of Seany. Seany seemed a little too giddy for his own good on first inspection. Looking closer, Seany was a warm individual who tried to raise a smile in a house full of people taking themselves far too seriously. Seany provided some great televisual moments, most notably, when he threw a moaning Charley in the swimming pool. His ally, Jerry, cracked under the microscope and went from being hilariously camp and witty (“The wolves!”) to a stern faced big ‘ead. Shame that. Still, he had a brain and that is a rarity in the world of Big Brother.

Speaking of brains… how’s about a devestating lack of? Shanessa entered our lives and their are people still vomiting. Tottering in like a parrot hopping to a peanut, Shanessa stunned the nation in her shameless need for attention. Much like Kinga and the winebottle, Shanessa desperately grabbed anyone and anything in the hope that she could create some kind of… well… embarrassment. Her lapdance was not only uncomfortable viewing, it burned itself onto the memory of anyone who saw it. Not in a good way. It was, quite possibly, the most horrific thing ever broadcast.

So, who is left? Well, we’re looking at Brian, Ziggy, Liam, Sam & Amanda, Carole and Jonty. These are the people left in and vying for the crown of Big Brother. Jonty, an affable and slightly odd man has done enough to ensure that he will be remembered fondly by those who, well, botyher remembering him. If he wants to fade back into obscurity, he’s afforded himself that chance… and I honestly wish him the best of luck for his post-BB life. Ziggy will no doubt be fine what with being a failed boyband member. He’s had the fade to nobody before and he’ll no doubt do it again with ease. Liam seems, and had consistently seemed, like a nice enough chap. You’d buy him a pint. He’s £100,000 richer already thanks to a task… and therefore, shouldn’t win tonight. Carole, bless her, has been on the biggest rollercoaster of emotions. She’s had (roughly) 6,329 nervous breakdowns over tea-bags and towels and, despite her porcelain like esteem, she’s done alright and looked after everyone…

…however, the only realistic winners of this show are Brian (the anti-hero) and the twins. Both camps have been largely loved by all, never once falling out of favour with the public. I think this is mostly because they’ve done nothing but be themselves. They’ve tried to have fun, they’ve love the experience and learned a lot. They’ve also provided some great TV. Brian’s puzzling over Shakespeare. The twins thinking that they were psychic (or in their words “psycho”)… and loads more. Maybe other housemates who thought they knew the formula should look at these and reconsider their lives. Be nice. Be yourself. People like you. If anything, Big Brother has come full circle and told us what we already knew…