I really love a lot of the shows coming out of the US these days. I find that most of what is imported over here I can gladly sit through without wanting to peel my skin off and roll around in salt. And I really am a US TV slut – whatever you give me, I’m happy with. From the conventional half hour sitcoms (Scrubs, My Name is Earl) to the hour-long comedy/ dramas (Desperate Housewives, Ugly Betty). Whatever the character’s professions – be they doctors (Grey’s Anatomy, House), lawyers (Shark) or soldiers (Rome) – I’m really not fussy. All I ask is quality and I’m there.

It’s not even a very recent development. US shows have been kicking the ass of their Transatlantic cousins for a while now. What do we have here to compare with The Sopranos? The West Wing? The X-Files (the early years)? All gone but not forgotten. Those Yanks have ER while we have Casualty, Malcolm in the Middle while we labour with My Family – no fair! But this is a moan rather than a celebration of their televisual superiority, as being a fan of these top shows is pretty hard and I’ll tell you why – because of the lack of respect shown to them by terrestrial British TV schedulers.

It’s a two-tiered approach in it’s most basic form. When a UK channel deigns to purchase an American import for it’s viewers, it will surely commit at least one of two chief sins. Firstly, the programme will either be hidden away in some Godforsaken graveyard shift suitable only for insomniacs, students and new parents in need of entertainment as they will their baby to shut up and sleep. Or, they assign it a time slot in direct competition with another imported programme – thus providing a painful conflict.

Serious heavyweights like Seinfeld, The Larry Sanders Show and Chicago Hope were all served the ignomy of a late night slot. Yes, this might mean that only grown-ups are watching and that children’s precious minds are not polluted with any harmful ‘adult’ material, but who are these adults? These people who can stay up to the wee small hours whilst holding down a full-time job and avoiding unsightly bags under their eyes? I don’t know that I’ve ever met any.

Before you cry out – that’s what we have video recorders and now Sky Plus for, to tape programmes that we are unable to watch when originally aired, I say bah humbug. I know that I pay my TV license to help the production of programming in the UK, that we have some incredible talent here and blah, blah, blah. What is the point of buying the show if you are going to condemn it to the paltry audience of two night watchmen in Wigan and a student who has taken too much ProPlus and can’t sleep? Will Heroes be subjected to this? I truly hope not – if so I’ll happily picket the BBC.

And for my second point, simply check out one of the many examples of congested programming. On Thursday night at 10pm, fans of US shows have the choice of ‘My Name is Earl’ on Channel 4, ‘Grey’s Anatomy’ on Living TV and ‘Shark’ on Five to name but a few. This all sounds great, but the word choice can be deceptive. It means we have options but ultimately have to discard some contenders.

This is nothing new, and not only true of US shows, Any Dream Will Do clashed with Grease is the Word, while the soaps often face-off against one another. But common sense would suggest that if you are a fan of a type of show, be it a singing contest or a tea-time serial, there is a good chance you might quite like others of the same genre, only to find that it’s a one-or-the-other deal. This splits the same audience and must result in diminished returns for both channels. Who wins here? Not the audience who find they get behind on what’s happening, as who really remembers to watch all that they record? Not the TV stations who buy the ‘next big thing’ only to find no-one watches when it’s past any sane person’s bedtime.

The third prong in the British TV scheduler’s form of attack is still in it’s infancy but I am confident will bloom into another full blown headache – the digital channel. Already Entourage, What About Brian, Dirt etc. are forgotten about on sister channels of the terrestrial heavy hitters. Will I be ranting about this in the not too distant future? Let’s hope not, eh?