It's time to take TVScoop's hand to wander through the TV listings of the coming weekend. Swerve the garbage and head straight for the cream of the weekend's viewing.

Friday - Big Brother, 8.30pm & 10pm, Channel 4

Come back! Don't walk away! Tonight is a bit of a turkey in the listings, so why not sit back and enjoy some moronic cretin being roundly booed by hundreds of people. Hell, you can even join in at home. Big Brother - truly interactive TV... as in your fist can interact with the screen while you scream foul mouthed abuse at complete strangers! It's the only violence you can join in with that won't get you arrested! Great fun. Failing that, The Big Lebowski is on Film4 at 11.10pm.

Read over for the rest of the weekend's top picks...

Saturday - There's Something about... Morse, ITV3, 11.10pm

Did you know that Inspector Morse (the finest detective show ever) had an estimated worldwide audience of 750 million viewers? That's loads! Well, if you dig Morse, this programme will look at the vast appeal of the real ale swilling curmudgeon. Of course, you won't be able to escape the talking heads in a show like this, with contributions from author Colin Dexter, Kevin Whateley (who played the long suffering Lewis), John Thaw's wife Sheila Hancock, Helen Mirren, Ian McKellen, Julie Walters and some others who don't matter half as much.

Sunday - Memoirs of a Cigarette, Channel 4, 10pm

As you should all know by now, smoking aint allowed in public places of work after tonight. This means smokers should smoke as many cigarettes and cigars in pubs tonight. Even occasional smokers should smoke 'emselves sick tonight. So, with the ban, we see ashtray makers going out of business (although they should go into making tiny bins for beer mat rippers) and a documentary looking back at cigarette-smoking in films and TV. We can chuckle (or wheeze) at Thunderbirds characters having a sly toke and The Flinstones enjoying a puff in the garden. We can also pop our eyeballs at smokes ads from yesteryear (one claiming that "More doctors smoke Camels than any other cigarette"). Should be great yellow fingered fun!

One To Avoid - Friday Night Project, Channel 4, Friday, 10.30pm

Never ever watch any programme with Justin Lee Collins in. Unless the show is called 'Justin Lee Collins Getting Attacked By Vicious Dogs'.