The penultimate week. The semi-final. The anti-climax?
First of course the usual looooong opening. Surallen doesn't care where you come from as long as you're "drop dead shrewd" (is that a thing?)
"It's the chance of a lifetime!"
Then a super long recap of last week's action (DISASTER).
So it's Simon, Tre, Kristina, Katie (argh) and Lohit (bless) left. And three of them had to go...
Simon in a towel. Really not what I wanted to see. Ah well, time for the teams to get ready to meet Surallen at one of his companies where they suspect they'll be grilled on his business. Simon knows a lot about Surallen's companies and grew up playing "jet set willy" (whaaaaaaaa?) whereas - big surprise! - Tre knows nothing. But he's won 7 out of 10 tasks. Hang on - Simon's a member of Mensa?!
"I have a ruthless streak to me" Katie told us on VT. NO, really? Shocker. Kristina's "not here to be second". I forgot what Lohit said, but bless him.
"Gruelling interview process" time at Viglen with three of Surallen's associates: Claude Litner, "global troubleshooter", Gordon Patchell, chief executive of Viglen and Paul Kensley, a friend of Al's who runs a property company. The interviewers had the candidates' application forms and CVs and were ready to pounce! This lead to lots of clips of the candidates being picked on by the interviewers. Interviews aren't really thrilling TV, are they? But they tried to make it interesting by being really harsh...
Lots of clips ensued of all the wannabe Apprentices being picked on. "I did kind of my basic research," said Tre, admitting he hadn't even Googled Surallen. Katie had admitted stealing someone else's husband on her application form! Does she know it's not Big Brother? Lohit was accused of not being humble. Simon was accused of being a terrible landlord and smirked a lot. "He beat the shit out of me," he admitted later.
"What do you actually do?" Paul the property blokey asked Tre. He consults. And has offices abroad. Where? part of his Dad's business? "You work for your dad, Tre."
"No." (But it seems like he does...)
Kristina seemed to be acquitting herself quite well.
Tre was still being grilled about the specifics of his business and was blathering. It sounded like totally vague B.S.
Simon was stuttering, trying to defend himself for being made redundant. His interviewer said no company lets good people go. (What planet is he from? Of course they do.) But does he want to be an employee or an entrepreneur?
Katie has two young kids? Scar-eee. She doesn't like the maternal image. "I didn't get to where I am sitting at home playing mummy." The property blokey asked if she was a good long term investment due to having kids and being single - I actually don't think that's legal under sex discrimination legislation...
Then he accused Lohit of being boring. He defended himself and said he's stable. Okay, I think this Paul man and his business ideas have come straight from 1982.
Kristina said she's relentless.
Simon rambled about Surallen's profits at great length. Katie hadn't got a clue. Uh-oh, Simon is making himself look good. Note for next years competitors: research is everything! Haven't you SEEN the show before? C'mon!
After three hours of interviewing, the interviewers reported to Big Al.
Their verdict on Tre? A fantasist and a liar. And oh! aggressive. Really?? Also? A loner. Who won't be on Paul's Christmas card list.
Kristina? They liked her, finding her strong and capable with high integrity (except that she sells kisses for money).
Lohit they found the least credible of all the candidates! [He really reminds me of a Lib Dem politician]. "Boring but nice," as they said.
Simon they thought was interesting. Well yes... that's one word for it. Intelligent and articulate said one - "a gross underachiever" said another.
Katie. They also found her bright and capable. "Could she upset the people she works with? Almost certainly." A show-off and a talker. They all felt she was totally ruthless. Maybe she just wants to win this programme for the sake of winning and then move on? (Who knows?) Then Al asked Mags and Nick about all the candidates.
Then they all got called into the boardroom so Suarllen could give them a grilling. He asked the ladeez if they would move. Kristina came off well, Katie not so much (relocating her kids and her parents to London from Devon? Didn't seem likely). Simon was asked about the journey from Clapham. What's the obsession with location? He rambled about being a big fry (or something). Tre was asked why he wanted to work at one of Surallen's companies. He said he was committed and... blah.
Lohit was accused of not making a great contribution to his team's wins. He didn't agree he was a "tailor's dummy". I bet he's off.
Argh! Time to pick the last two. By firing three people. But who?
First, Lohit got the big F. Saw that coming, didn't we?
Then Al faced up to Katie and asked if she wanted the job just for the sake of having won. She said she hoped she'd never trodden on anyone else to get to where she was. "Oh you have!" Al told her. Oh dear.
SHE'S IN THE FINAL!
Tre... was told to grow up and go away. Thank GOD.
So it's down to Simon and Kristina, Surallen's "biggest dilemma".
Wait a minute... he looked back at Katie and said she didn't look too overjoyed at being in the final. She looked like she was going to cry and said she didn't think it was fair to her parents not to ask them about childcare. Did she want to concede the job? Yes, she did. Bloody hell! Kristina was obviously trying not to squeal. It's her and Si in the final and much as it pains me to say so, I think it was the right decision. (I actually want Kristina to win - what's wrong with me?!)
Next week: It's the FINAL (Liveblogged here live!) The finalists have to design and launch "a stunning building". Lordy.
Don't forget Surallen's also busy over at The Googly, Shiny's cricket blog, every week!
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"I think this Paul man and his business ideas have come straight from 1982."
Yabbut Surallen's business ideas come from 1972, so Paul probably looks like 21st century man to him.
I thought it was disappointing, I have to say. Despite (or because of) the fact that they're both clearly self-deluding fantasists, Tre and Katie were far more amusing than Simon and Kristina.
I would have liked to know what was behind Nick's "she's a game player" remark when Katie took the resignation route. I have a sneaking suspicion that geography was the least of it and that Al et al were trying to test whether or not she was in it for the "winning"...no-one wins bigger than someone who is offered something and steps aside, after all.
Margo's sudden hatred of Tre was quite a surprise, I thought.
Kristina vs. Simon...meh. I guess I slightly favour Simon, purely out of sympathy - it seems that his efforts since getting laid off have not gone so well, he kinda needs it. Kristina has played the better game, but she's exactly the kind of self-possessed, two-faced, scheming careerist I can't stand in real life. You wouldn't want to work for or with her, so it seems harsh to wish her on Amstrad/Viglen staff.
'I have a sneaking suspicion that geography was the least of it and that Al et al were trying to test whether or not she was in it for the "winning"...no-one wins bigger than someone who is offered something and steps aside, after all.'
Think you may well be right there, Dave! Glad she left before the final in any case...
I just find Simon bumbling and silly, and I wouldn't want to work with him either. Kristina would be a great collague as long as you never told her anything personal and didn't spend too long in the same room...
LOL, John you may be right but Big Al isn't *quite* as sexist and machismo, IMO.
I never understand why they use the Viglen guy. Is there a more under-achieving computer manufacturer in the UK? Hell, in Europe?
Being a Paddy I have to support Kristina and I think she'll get it in the end but I gotta say I like Simon.
Being somewhat unreconstructed when it comes to use of male grooming products I have to say my abiding memory of this episode will be shouting "leave your effing hair alone you wusses" while watching Simon and Tre mess with it until it looked exactly the same as when they started.
Rumours that I'm just jealous they have hair to mess with in the first place will be greeted with withering looks.
I didn't believe the ending of this. I thought the whole Katie business was a set-up. It was just so random how he suddenly said "back to you" and she acted as if she'd had a personality transplant (which she certainly needs).
Alternatively...
"I would have liked to know what was behind Nick's 'she's a game player' remark when Katie took the resignation route." Well, if she never wanted it anyway, she could make herself look good while making it clear to Kristina that she'd *allowed* her into the final out of the goodness of her heart.
"Kristina has played the better game, but she's exactly the kind of self-possessed, two-faced, scheming careerist I can't stand in real life."
I don't agree with this at all! But my feminist principles might just be heightened after watching that Paul describe her as "smiley". Has a man ever been described as "smiley" after an interview? And, you're right, Diane, I don't think they were allowed to ask about their kids, etc.
It was entirely infuriating and depressing.