Last night I watched Star Stories (Channel 4, Tuesday , 11.40pm) and, to be quite honest, I really wish I hadn't. I know that this show has been on before, and in hindsight, I'm glad I missed it. This show is so bad that I fear that I'll struggle to avoid swearing profusely in review. Seriously. This programme is worse than shocking.

Do you remember Rock Profiles? If not, it was a show that featured David Walliams and Matt Lucas aping famous popstars in a ludicrous manner (Barry Gibb as a lion anyone?) and generally veered from funny to incredibly surreal in a breath. Well, Star Stories is the poorer sleb version that needs to include some gags that couldn't be thought up by a monkey with a typewriter.

Now, I'm well aware that I've given programmes a needless kicking in the past, but Star Stories is so piss weak and offensively bad that I really need to share my hatred with you. Star Stories is so awful that it makes me wonder why I bother owning a TV set at all. Last nights (repeated) show looked at Michael Douglas and Catherina Zeta Jones' relationship. That in itself doesn't bode well for a mine of comedy gold. In fact, after watching this show, it seems like this scenario only has the one joke. Michael Douglas is old.

In a misguided attempt to remedy this, the moronic writers of the show threw in Kirk Douglas showing everyone how strong he is! Woo! I can lift up Reese Witherspoon! Woo! Woo! *Click* BANG. Also, because the writers are so devoid of gags, they rested on that old chestnut- slight racism. Zeta Jones' father made an appearance... and guess what?! He's a thick accented miner! BOYO BOYO BOYO BOYO BOYO BOYO!

So, with tired jokes coming from the supposed cream of upcoming and young British comedy, a dreadful sense of impending doom cast over my head. The world is a very serious place and the jesters and clowns set to liven us all up have deserted us, leaving us with a bunch of idiots dressing up and wheeling out half baked jokes about celebrities that no-one really cares about. Far from being funny, Star Stories is the most depressing show since Blunder. [Mof Gimmers]