Semi-final night and “Andrew’s last chance to save a Joseph. Then, the final decision will be yours.” Oh god, is that right? I’d been assuming Lloyd Webber had the final say. Although he claims he’s confident that any of the four could be Joseph, so if he’s not worried, why should I be?

So anyway, only Ben, Keith, Lee and Lewis were left and they opened the show with a medley of songs from Joseph. Well, two songs. Or it might actually only have been the one song. Do we care? No, because Antony was in the audience, wearing a white shirt and looking foxy.

Keith was out first performing Could It Be Magic – one of my favourite songs, both by Barry Manilow and Take That. Which version did Keith do? Fast or slow? Well … both. He started slow and that was pleasant enough and then he went all Take That and it was … okay. It didn’t thrill me, but it didn’t horrify me either. His voice sounded nice, but his Scottish accent came through – is that allowed?

Judge John Barrowman said (in a Scottish accent) that it was “Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant!” and that he watches Denise Van Outen’s arms for goosebumps as a guide to whether the boys are doing it right and she was covered in them. Bill Kenwright said it was another great vocal performance, but that Keith needs to work on the heart of the song. That’s true, he rarely moves me. Andrew said it was just a heartbeat away from being complete magic.

Ben has been saved by The Lord a record three times and on Saturday night he had Ease On Down the Road to sing, which Andrew wanted him to make sexy. Well, it wasn’t at all sexy, and I don’t know how they expected it to be since they had him doing a really cheesy dance routine. It was really good – he is a great performer – but it was rather Craig-like, a bit cabaret. The boy’s got charisma, that’s for sure.

Vocal Coach Zoe Tyler said he’s a born showman, but she’s not sure he could manage Joseph’s big controlled ballads. Ben seemed to think it was a big deal for him to take criticism and come back each week – er, well, what’s the alternative? He’s hardly going to walk, is he? Berk. Bill pointed out that Ben ignores the compliments, but harps on about any criticism. Andrew said Ben’s a terrific performer, but this week he didn’t “ease” down the road as he would have liked. Hard to “ease” and do little Yellow Brick Road skips at the same time, I would have thought.

Keith and Ben were teamed up to sing Only You from Starlight Express.

In the rehearsal VT Ben came out with the type of comment that drives me to distraction: “I’ve always been told I’ve got the weaker voice and Keith has got the best voice, but there’s no reason why I can’t match it.” What? Isn’t Keith having A MUCH BETTER VOICE a reason? Why do people think they can do something just because they want to, whether or not they’ve got the talent? It’s all come from the “talent show” culture. That Simon Cowell’s got a lot to answer for.

Having said that… they were both bloody marvellous! I loved it. Denise said her eyes are drawn to Ben, but her ears to Keith and pain-in-the-arse Ben immediately said, “Did I really not get anywhere near him?” Shut up, Ben!

Thankfully it was over to Lewis, cos I’d had just about as much Ben as I could take. “this is the best thing that’s happened to me in my life,” Lewis said. I should bloody well hope so – he’s 17! Do you know what the best thing was that had happened to me by the time I was 17? Meeting Bucks Fizz. Lewis performed Sweet Caroline – yawn. I thought he did it really well, but I do wonder if he’s had enough variety in his songs. Has he ever done a rock song? I mean, Sweet Caroline is fairly similar in tone to Daydream Believer…

John said it was a really great performance: simple, sincere and sweet, and then asked Lewis if he really wanted to be Joseph or was he looking for fame. “I just want fame,” Lewis said. No, not really. Of course he said he wanted to be Joseph. Andrew worried that Lewis would go to bits if he had terrible reviews in the West End, but Bill argued that he wouldn’t get terrible reviews. Lewis is such a sweetie. He’s not going to win, but I do hope we see more of him in the future.

Unlike Lewis, Lee quite often gets rock songs and he did again on Saturday – Living On A Prayer. I thought he went a bit wrong a couple of times. He’s still my favourite, but it wasn’t one of his best. Zoe commented that he’d gone wrong, but covered it well. Bill blethered a bit about how Lee’s journey’s just the same as the rest of them – despite the fact that he’s a professional – and that he could be an international superstar. After correcting Zoe, who said there was perhaps a problem with the track – “We don’t do anything to track here, it’s all our live band” – Andrew said there was a problem with the band and that Lee handled it very well.

It was Lee and Lewis’s turn to perform together with Oh What A Circus from Evita. Lewis’s acting was the best I’ve seen him do, but Lee was just fabulous. I LOVED LOVED LOVED it. It took my breath away, in fact. I think if Lewis had been giving performances like that all the way through he’d be in a much stronger position now. Andrew said he couldn’t choose between them, they were both wonderful. Zoe said Lewis became a musical theatre singer during that song and she couldn’t bear to make a choice.

The results show began with a group number – Under Pressure. Queen songs fit very well with a musical theatre treatment, someone should write a show based around them … oh wait. After what’s gone before, I bet you won’t be surprised to hear that I loved it. In fact, I think it was my favourite performance of the night. I do love a bit of Queen.

The judges didn’t think that Ben or Lewis should be Joseph, I agreed, expecting the two of them to be in the sing-off. Lee was through first, Lewis was in the sing-off, Keith was through and Ben was in the sing-off. Ben received the lowest votes from the public. They had to perform I Dreamed A Dream from Les Miserables. Yadda yadda – hardest performance of your life – blah blah – one of the toughest decisions Andrew will ever have to make, etc., etc.

Again, not much to choose between them. Their acting has improved immeasurably, Ben’s singing has improved immeasurably. I don’t really see either of them as Joseph, but Andrew saved Lewis and, again, I was surprised by how relieved I was. Frankly, I’ve wanted rid of Ben for weeks but I do think he’s going to be a star in some way.

I expected Ben to make a meal of his defrocking – his last chance to prove himself – but he did it beautifully (until he pulled a really obnoxious face at the end). So Lee, Lewis and Keith are through to the final. Who will it be? Actually, I said of course it would be Lee, but that was when I thought Andrew had the final say. Now I don’t know. Blimey.

Any Dream Will Do: BBC1, Saturday 9 June at 8.05pm and 10pm

Any Dream Will Do Week 1 | Week 2 | Week 3 | Week 4 | Week 5 | Week 6 | Week 7 | Week 8 | Week 9