Last night I had a dream that Adam from The Apprentice was already a huge TV star. What’s that got to go with anything, you ask? Nada, so let’s get on with this week’s summary shall we?

I’d forgotten it was my favourite task this week: it’s all about negotiation (Saira was brilliant at this task) buy a list of ten things as cheaply as possible. In one day! GO GO GO!

Items on the list included a white rabbit, a unicycle and (hmm) leather trousers (Surallen, ya perv).

Adam had volunteered himself to lead Stealth (and redeem himself after lionsuit-gate – sorry, I can’t find the link so if you didn’t see that episode you’ll have to make something up – it couldn’t be more surreal than the truth!), and pukey Simon volunteered to lead Eclipse.

The teams each split into two and at first, Simon and Tre negotiated just £1 off some leather trousers while Adam thought Nigella seeds were something to do with astroturf (they’re for cooking with).

Katie and Kristina (who hate each other) decided to work togther for the good of the team, or as Margaret said, “They’ve left the weaker members of the team [Adam and Ghazal] to sink or swim.” The two Ks got over £3 off a jar of leg wax. Meanwhile Simon’s team wandered around for a while and he talked on VT about how great and “non-linear” he is.

Adam talked on another VT about his legendary killer instinct. “Can you do anything for us?” he asked a man about a car battery.
“No.”

Simon’s team bought some tiles that were seconds (not allowed) for their asking price (also not allowed). Naomi tried to negotiate further but Tre and Simon over-ruled her. Idiots.

Katie and Kristina negotiated well, with Kristina showing her softer side. Which makes a nice change… Nobody knew what Nigella seeds were or where to buy them but don’t worry: Tre found that putting on an Asian-y accent worked wonders in locating some and Ghazal found out an alternative name and realised what they were. But the only place they found with the 3 kg they needed was an importers near Stansted. Meanwhile, Simon’s team bought some and everyone had to race back to the office.

But who had bought the most items, and got the biggest bargains? “If we lose this team it will be Simon’s fault” said Tre, modest as ever. Time to go to the boardroom and find out what was what…

“You’re going to find this very hard to believe, but one of you has won by ninety-seven pence” said Surallen to gasps from the teams. Who won? First up, some well-deserved criticism…
Big Al criticised Simon’s team for their poor negotiation and said he’d fined them £50 for the tile issue. He praised Katie and Kristina on Stealth.
“Good team leader?” he asked of Adam.
Crickets.

The results: Stealth came back with £458.71; Eclipse £459.68. Pukey Simon’s team won and got to go driving formula one cars.

Adam got to go to the boardroom once again. Would he survive this time?
He had a glass of wine and a fag back at the house and looked glum.

Meanwhile, Eclipse went racing, and Jadine rambled on about fishbowls. She was probably a bit tired.

“I would like to be the person who secures Adam’s exit” said Katie on another of her now-legendary VTs.

Back to the boardroom. Surallen criticised Stealth for not getting the Nigella seeds first-thing and didn’t believe that the importer wouldn’t tell them where they supplied to in London. Adam and Ghazal hadn’t thought to ask her. You could hear my “duh” from outer space. If I shouted at my telly that is – which I never, ever do. (Much).

Katie slagged off Adam and Alan called her on it – Adam had asked the gels for help with the seeds and they hadn’t bothered to source them either.
It promised to be the biggest battle yet: Katie vs. Adam with gormless Ghazal in the middle. Handbags!

Adam patronised Ghazal and Big Al called her “kind of an apprentice to The Apprentice”, not a go-getter. She battled back. Adam suggested Katie hadn’t tried hard enough. She was apoplectic. Ghazal stuck up for Katie and Katie got apoplectic again after Adam said she “had her head down” (missing Paul) for part of the day. Baaaad move. She told Surallen that “Mr Pinot and Mr Grigio” were Adam’s only friends in the house. Ooooh.

There was some more bickering and it was wholly unpleasant to watch. I heard random words: Kristina, seeds, lollipop. (Lollipop?) At some point there was a VT of Katie slagging off Northerners as stupid. (I know you are but what am I?!)

“Do you backbite?” Al asked Katie (YES!) She blathered.

“The evidence is piling in against you” The Sir told Adam. Adam rambled on about his motivation, negotiation, great leadership skills, etc. (WHEN was this?)

Everyone bickered and blathered (don’t you love the word blather?) “Shut up now!” said Surallen.
He said Adam had been in the boardroom too any times, Ghazal was too young and Katie might be “hard work” rather than a hard worker… but in the end he had to fire Adam. I think we were all relieved.

Back at the house, everyone bitched about Katie then whooped and cheered on her return.

Next week, the teams are creating an ad campaign for their own brand of trainers. “I think I now understand what bump and grind is” Magaret was featured saying. My mind = boggled. Whatever next?

“Surallen’s search for his apprentice continues…”

Don’t forget Surallen’s also busy over at The Googly, Shiny’s cricket blog, every week!

The Apprentice week 1 | The Apprentice week 2 | The Apprentice week 3 | The Apprentice week 4 | The Apprentice week 5 | The Apprentice week 6

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