Ordinarily I would have avoided this sitcom pilot because of the execrable title, but Man Stroke Woman’s Daisy Haggard starred and my husband loves her plus Adam Buxton was in it and I quite like him so I thought I’d give it a chance… I should have gone with my instinct.

Set in an ad agency (oh god), they’re working on a pitch for Diet Stuff diet drink. Billy (Tom Price) is suffering from a creative block. Greg (Adam Buxton) fancies the client. Keaton (Kevin Bishop) thinks there’s a finite amount of happiness in the world and in order for him to be happy, he must steal someone else’s joy. Their boss, Mr Broom (Chris Barrie), likes this idea, but can’t give Keaton a pay rise so decides to make him feel better by making someone else feel worse, so he reduces Emma’s (Daisy Haggard) desk by 2% in every direction.

For some reason Kevin Bishop chose to do an incredibly annoying accent that sounds like something off Bo Selecta. At first I thought he was meant to be Eastern European, but later he said “crazhee” so I think he was supposed to be Dutch. Mr Broom has a catchphrase. Something like, “It’s cruel, it’s horrible, but it’s Damn Funny!” It’s not.

So the other women on the staff don’t know that Emma’s desk is smaller, they think she’s got bigger and become “one of them” (i.e. fat) and so she decides to starve herself to fit her desk. She ends up hallucinating that she’s giving an offensive speech about how it’s immoral to be fat. Of course, she’s not hallucinating, she’s really giving it, but that’s okay, cos it’s the perfect pitch for Diet Stuff.

At first I thought it was trying to be “modern” by not having a laugh track, but perhaps there was a live studio audience, but they sat in silence throughout. It was that bad. In fact, halfway through my husband said, “Is it supposed to be a comedy?” He wasn’t being sarcastic; he was genuinely confused.

Both Tom Price and Daisy Haggard were charming and natural throughout, but Adam Buxton can’t act. Kevin Bishop seemed to be doing a sort of Dutch Swiss Toni from The Fast Show, while Chris Barrie (whose nostrils are still doing most of his acting for him) was channelling the same show’s Dave Angel.

Tripe.