Week eight and eight candidates left – nice planning!

The teams were up bright and early to meet Surallen, as usual. At Trafalgar Square, he picked Ghazal and Jadine to lead the teams and then told them they would be creating a brand new brand of trainers… and then advertising them. Eek.

“What I want is an advert that sells kit,” said the ever anti-arty farty Big Al.

Tre said this was his forte. But isn’t everything?

The teams got advice from an ad agency then did some market research (talking to people in the street). Tre had ideas involving street dancers and threw around words like bump ‘n’ grind and beat boys . “I think I need a glossary” said Margaret [LOVE Margaret!] But even Mags could see that “calling their brand Street and aiming it at street culture is pretty obvious…”

When they’re not being respectively lame and bitchy on prime time TV, both Naomi and Katie work in advertising, so would Ghazal’s women-only team have an advantage? “Image is everything” was the idea they came up with. “I don’t know what it means,” frowned Nick.[Yes, I LOVE Nick too!]

Simon and Tre bickered about potential slogans and a million other things, whilst Ghazal’s team had no ideas for a brand name – then came up with Jam, for which Kristina drew a really basic logo. Katie pointed out that no-one seemed to have grasped the idea of creating a brand rather than just a design. (Hate to say it, but she was SO RIGHT). Kristina and Naomi thought Katie was just trying to get rid of Ghazal (someone should…)

Oh god, Pukey Simon made up a pukey rap for Jadine’s team’s ad. Ears = bleeding. The team had been sent a load of actors who couldn’t dance for their ad – for which they needed dancers. Tre did some beat-boxing with his mouth (!) and they asked a poor young woman (who said she disco danced, did ballet and jazz) to dance to it. She looked mortified and said she couldn’t street dance – and she’d rather audition sans Tre. Things got desperate, and SIMON was asked to audition. He did some handstands and Tre said it was all going wrong. “It’s going to be fine” said Jadine. Tre disagreed – but what was he doing to help?

Ghazal’s team went to see their trainers, and Kristina now hated her logo. It wasn’t much cop – small, bland and with a huge expanse of white around it. Ghazal said there was no changing it. Katie ranted to Ghazal that “Kristina is a total arse-coverer When there’s an issue, she always tries to cover her arse.” [Yes, delicate as your wordplay is Katie, even a Northerner can work out what an 'arse-coverer' is.] “It’s a shame she doesn’t doesn’t do it a little better with the skirts she wears.” Meow.

“I’m about six feet under the bullshit” said Tre as Jadine’s team tried to to think up more branding ideas. Ghazal’s team worked on lyrics for their ad. Katie tried to steer the group to a pitch based around music rather than image and Ghazal shot her down. Then the next morning, she changed her mind and Naomi and Kristina were not happy.”Katie is now de facto project manager and Ghazal doesn’t mind” said Nick.

Both teams went to shoot TV ads and billboards. Street’s non-dancing actors couldn’t dance. Shocker. Simon recorded the pukey rap. Katie’s, I mean Ghazal’s, team had booked professionals for their soundtrack. Simon was then called upon by Jadine’s team to be the star of their ads. “If Alan wants a rapping acrobat, I think Simon’s his man,” said Mags. (But why WOULD Surallen want that?)

The teams then went back to the ad agency to design billboard posters and edit their TV ads. Naomi and Kristina were unimpressed with Ghazal’s billboard ad; Tre was unimpressed with everything. (Except himself, natch).

The big day: time at last for the teams to pitch to the agency. Eek! First up, Ghazal’s team, but the ad bosses questioned the “grammatical roller coaster” of their slogan ‘cos music’s in your sole. Then Jadine’s team talked about the crime of corporations taking over street culture – by trying to take over street culture with their corporate idea. O-K…

The agency talked to Big Al as the teams made it to the boardroom and we saw Ghazal and Tre blether on VT about… something.

Big Al then made Jadine give her pitch again. He questioned the feasibility of giving £4 a trainer to charity. Then Katie repeated their pitch about “Jay”, their consumer. She asked Alan to think like Jay. “Yeah, a’right,” he grumbled. He was unimpressed that the name of the trainers wasn’t clear enough in the ads: “Sorry, ya lost!”

“You’ve done all right” was his ringing endorsement for Jadine’s team. He sent them to make cocktails at the Savoy – fun.

The ladeez went back to the boardroom Katie told us via VT that she’d like to see Kristina fired – and not just in a boardroom scenario. Ouch.

Al criticised Katie for not using her ad experience better and Ghazal for being weak. Naomi said her and Kristina’s ‘Image is Everything’ was a better idea. Al agreed with Ghazal that it meant nothing. The women bickered, with everyone ganging up on Ghazal. She took Naomi and Katie back into the boardroom for some more bickering. It wasn’t pretty. Ghazal rambled. Naomi argued. Katie looked flushed. Surallen asked if she was giving up. She said not. He pointed out that she’d been on the losing team six times. She screeched a lot.”You’re all talk and no do” he finally told Ghazal. Then he fired her.

Next week, the teams have to sell to the trade. Tricky, very tricky…

Don’t forget Surallen’s also busy over at The Googly, Shiny’s cricket blog, every week!

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