The dream (and the cliches) continues for the eight remaining Josephs. In other words, this is the halfway point. Yikes.

The Elvis-esque Song of the King opener (a reminder of how plain odd Joseph and the Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat actually is) was followed by more clips of the Josephs all slagging each other off – fun! To celebrate the fact that the show has been successful for four decades, the Josephs had to perform songs from the last four decades … no, that’s not vague at all.

Ben was first and, while I hate to be harsh (sometimes), he can’t sing. He’d be better off auditioning for a boyband, but actually these days even boyband members generally have better voices than Ben. Apart from his voice, his performance bored the arse off me. Way, way below par. Vocal Coach Zoe Tyler said Ben hit two very bum notes and his pitch has improved – how bad was it before? Bill Kenwright reckoned Ben is a contender and his smile lights up the room. Andrew Lloyd Webber didn’t agree – “I’m worried.”

Ben was followed by Cabaret Craig (aren’t you supposed to start strong?). Not helped by singing 1963 (Oh What A Night) which is a total hen night song, he looked embarrassed and uncomfortable. His voice is nice but nothing special. It’s a shame because you can see a glimmer of how good he could be if he really let himself go, but if it hasn’t happened by now, it’s probably not going to. Zoe said Craig has the star quality of a sack of spuds. Bill said – again – that he needs to get out of his comfort zone, get a bit of edge and take the opportunity he’s been given.

Lee had been struggling with his voice all week, so singing Alright Now can’t have helped, but I thought he was absolutely brilliant. Storming performance and, for the first time, I could see him as Joseph. John Barrowman said Lee struggled a bit, but sold it for him anyway. Zoe said she thought Lee was a bit rubbish – flat, sharp and he pushed too much. Andrew said Lee gave everything in the dress rehearsal and then not as well on the night. Pah.

The late lamented Smash Hits magazine brilliantly reviewed Wet Wet Wet’s Love Is All Around with the words “It calls for two buckets: one marked ‘bargain’ and one marked ‘sick’”. To begin with, Keith’s performance was along the same lines, but then he hit one note that gave me the shivers and from then it was brilliant. His face is still a little blank, but that was his best performance yet. John said it was “vocal perfection” (I thought there were a couple of sharp notes actually). Denise Van Outen said she always thought Lee would win, but that Keith was amazing and he’s going to have to watch himself. Zoe thought he was “absolutely phenomenal.”

Lewis went for the sympathy vote with a VT all about how he got bullied at school and left home at 13 to go to stage school. I love Lewis but his performance of Dancing In the Moonlight was bo-ring. Bill said the first time he saw Lewis he thought he was Joseph, but he’s another one who needs to raise his game and break out of his comfort zone. Zoe said she doesn’t know whether she’s losing faith in him or he’s losing faith in himself.

Rob was concerned that the judges last week said he didn’t look like Joseph, so this week he proved he did by … having a shave (and they didn’t mention it, but he’d clearly had his strangely round teeth whitened too). Despite Antony’s disaster with Take That’s Patience last week, Rob took on Back for Good. And, like Antony, he came a cropper on the high notes. Didn’t I say boyband members have to be able to sing these days? Performance-wise, I was transfixed. Vocally, it was poor. Bill said Rob was nervous and frightened of the song.

Christeeth sang All Night Long – a song about partying all night long. I nodded off. John thought he was still scared and his performance was a bit bland (a bit?!).

Daniel was last out with All About You (by McFly – McFly!) and it was … sweet. Zoe said in the introduction that he needed to toughen up so why give him such an incredibly wet song then? Daniel has a gorgeous voice, a lovely smile, and I’m in love with him. John said Daniel’s too nice and he wants them to bring out the “naughty Daniel” next week. God I’m so with him there.

Meatloaf turned up in the results show and said the most important thing when the Josephs are singing a song is to believe it. That’s what I’ve been saying since the beginning! And I would have thought it was fairly elementary, but apparently not. They then performed Dead Ringer For Love as a group. Lee was the only stand-out, but I must say that Ben looks great in the group numbers (possibly cos you can’t hear him). They did a big cheesy choreographed finish that I lo-oved!

This week’s mission was to test the Josephs’ stamina. John was sent to check what they were eating and then sent them to “Barricade bootcamp” at Les Miserables. Apparently one of the toughest scenes in the business. Did anyone see Jon from S Club 7? This week’s show was brought to you by I Told You Boyband Members Can Sing (yes, I know S Club 7 weren’t strictly a boyband, but it’s the same difference). Startlingly, Ben and Craig did the best. Just shows, doesn’t it, you never can tell.

Rather a lot of competition for the bottom two for me. I’d have been happy to see Ben, Christeeth or Craig in there for overall poorness, but even Rob and Lewis could have been down there on the basis of the night’s efforts … but it was Christeeth and Craig. On public votes alone, Chris would have gone home.

This week’s song was The Long and Winding Road. I thought they were both poor – it was the worst sing-off so far – and I would have struggled to choose. In fact, I thought Andrew should’ve done a Surallen and sacked em both, but he saved Craig. Denise looked devastated.

And then my favourite bit – I actually get butterflies of anticipation (and, yes, I know I’m weird; I’m cool with that): Close Every Door to Christeeth, sorry, I mean Chris Barton. Overall, a rather disappointing week.

Any Dream Will Do: BBC One, Saturday 12th May at 6.45pm

Any Dream Will Do Week 1 | Week 2 | Week 3 | Week 4 | Week 5