It’s down to the final five and the tension is unbearable … except it’s not because Lee’s obviously going to win. They opened with a song from Joseph and His Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat and I caught myself looking for Daniel until I remembered the terrible truth. Pah. I’ll just have to keep in mind that Lee must win and not become emotionally attached to any of the remaining contestants. Really, wants the point in watching?

This week the songs had been chosen to help the boys portray betrayal, courage, being a dreamer … and a couple of others that I missed.

Lee needed to show his dreamy side so he did Daydream Believer. Gawd, must have taken them seconds to think of that. Even though it’s another song you never need to hear again because surely it’s implanted in everyone’s brains forever, he did it brilliantly. He was sweet, innocent, charming and, yes, dreamy, while also being confident and relaxed. Judge John Barrowman said it was like a refreshing glass of lemonade on a hot summer’s day. Andrew Lloyd Webber said it got his mojo working. Yikes.

Arrogant Ben had to work on his vulnerability with Roy Orbison’s Crying. By the first chorus I wanted quite badly to punch him in the face. His voice has improved immeasurably, but his acting blows. It wasn’t vulnerable, it was hammy and deeply irritating. Bill Kenwright said he blew a few notes, but also kept it simple and didn’t go the self-indulgent route. Er. Was he watching the same performance? Vocal Coach Zoe Tyler said he still needs to work on his vibrato, but he did a very good job with a very hard song.

Craig had to portray betrayal, which he didn’t want to do because he’s such a sweetie. He sang Suspicious Minds. He is a love but I was bored almost off the sofa. I can’t even thing of anything else to say. Deadly dull. Bill though he found the perfect line between drama and selling the song and wowed the audience. Denise Van Outen (whose bosoms looked phenomenal) thought it was great, if a little too smiley at the end.

Lewis, who was devastated to be in the bottom two last week, sang Enrique’s Hero and I thought it was his best performance for weeks. He was vulnerable, charming, confident and even a little bit sexy (and, yes, I’m aware he was born in 1990 – 1990!). I really liked it. Zoe said she’d wanted him to go home last week, but after that performance was pleased that he hadn’t. John said he sang it better than Enrique himself. Andrew said he has fantastic charm, but no inner strength. Hm, I’m not sure about that. I thought it was convincing (although I don’t think he’s right for Joseph).

Of course it didn’t take long for five Josephs to sing, so they’d drafted in Josh Groban to choose one of them to duet with in the results show and we saw the background on that (including Lewis getting his lines wrong, which doesn’t bode well).

Keith had to be cocky and the other Josephs didn’t think that would be a problem. They’d picked Let Me Entertain You. The audience loved it, but he was no Robbie. He just looked like a child to me. John said he has one of the strongest voices, but he drops his focus a bit. Zoe said vocally he’s a star. Bill said he was fantastic.

They did a group performance of Do You Love Me from Dirty Dancing and Ben was actually the standout. He’s definitely got confidence and charisma. I thought Keith was poor.

The results show started with a look at the curse of the coat which was actually kind of interesting, you know, if your standards are low. At the end of Close Every Door each week two Josephs struggle for the cast-off’s coat and each week without exception, the Joseph who didn’t get the coat has ended up in the sing-off the following week. Funny that, eh?

Yet another group performance – this time of Born to be Wild – was followed by the duet with Josh Groban. He’d chosen Lee to sing with him, of course, leaving Keith gutted as he’s a massive fan. But not to worry, the other four got to be backing singers (although there was also a gospel choir so you couldn’t exactly hear them). Josh’n’Lee sang You Raise Me Up, inevitably. Josh Groban looks a little bit like a vole, don’t you think?

The judges reckoned neither Ben nor Lewis could be Joseph. I disagreed. I thought on the night’s performance, Craig and Keith should have been in the sing-off.

Breaking the curse of the coat, Lewis was through. Lee was second and after that I wasn’t really bothered, but Ben and Craig were in the sing-off with I Made It Through the Rain (Ben received the lowest votes from the public). It was meh. Craig was better, but Andrew saved Ben. I was surprised again and I was also suprised at how much I wanted Craig to g through when it actually came down to it.

Andrew said it was because he smiled during Suspicious Minds and though that seems like such a tiny point, he did perform it as a singer rather than an actor and there is quite a lot of acting in the show…

Craig’s Close Every Door was disappointing. Unless I’ve just got used to it… what a sad thought.

Any Dream Will Do: BBC1, Saturday 2nd June at 8.05pm and 9.50pm

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