The six remaining contestants opened the show with Go Go Go Joseph and then Keith – who they reckon looks like Liza Minnelli, not Gollum – was first with Brown Eyed Girl.

Seriously, with the wealth of songs available how come all these reality shows seem to select from a list of about thirty? I loved Keith last week, but I was a bit bored by this. It was a bit karaoke. Judge John Barrowman (I featured his photo this week because it’s so, so dreadful) said Keith was a “definite, definite, definite contender” even though his diction was a little off.

Lewis, who was shocked to be in the sing-off for the first time last week, sang The Rose. I’ve always liked Lewis, but I wasn’t convinced. He seemed to be concentrating too hard and I didn’t feel the song. I stand by my feeling that he’s just too young to be Joseph. Vocal Coach Zoe Tyler said that offstage he’s funny and emotional, but doesn’t bring that across on stage. Bill Kenwright disagreed and said he did the song beautifully and simply. Andrew Lloyd Webber thought his hair looked nice. Ahhh.

Ben was next with Blue Suede Shoes. They seem to be giving him songs to “perform” rather than sing … because he’s not a good enough singer. So what’s the point of him still being in the running? He did some dancing, but he was out of breath and it just bored me. After Graham Norton read out a list of Andrew’s awards and accomplishments to embarrass Ben again after his “Andrew doesn’t know what he’s talking about” comment of last week, Denise Van Outen said Ben’s turned into a star. Bill said he’s got charm and charisma, but needs to show that he can be vulnerable and lonely.

Ooh, something new – a trio: Keith, Lewis and Ben in a “special performance”. They sang That’s Life. It was okay, but it didn’t thrill me. I actually thought Ben was the best, but his cockiness really bugs me.

Craig was amazing last week. This week he did Michael Jackson’s Black or White and it was too nice. His voice was weak and the “I ain’t scared of no …” whatever it is (sheep?) bit is supposed to sound angry and Craig sounded apologetic. If you can’t even sound as tough as Michael Jackson, you’re really way too nice. Zoe said she’s worried that without the panel’s guidance he’d go back to his old cabaret habits. Bill loved it and said that Craig’s got the most heart of anyone in the company. Denise questioned whether he’s a leading man. Andrew isn’t sure if he’s got enough charisma, but he’s getting better all the time so it’s certainly possible. He really does seem like a lovely, well brought-up young man (and I sound like I’m turning into my nan).

Oh, they picked Evergreen for Daniel to sing. They must’ve read that he reminds me of Will Young. I was transfixed. Whereas I said with Lewis he seems to be concentrating, Daniel just seems totally effortless. I feel completely in safe hands. Mmmm. Safe in Daniel’s hands… Where was I? Oh yes. John said the vocal was flawless, but they’re looking for a technicolour dreamcoat and that was a bit “beige”. Zoe thought it was a phenomenal vocal. Denise wants to see more emotion. Andrew asked if an audience would want to listen to Daniel for two hours. I would, but I do agree with the question of his charisma. Much as I love him, he’s one of the least charismatic of the remaining contestants.

Graham pointed out that the night’s songs had a colours theme to represent the coat: Black or White, Evergreen, Blue Suede Shoes, Brown Eyed Girl and, um, The Rose. Had you noticed? I hadn’t.

Last up was Lee with Paint It Black. It’s got to be Lee. He’s got the great voice and the charisma. He’s just got to win. I must insist. He’s the best actor and he gave the best performance of the night by far. I was slightly alarmed by the bulging veins in his neck. It did look a bit like his head was going to burst off, but no matter … have I mentioned it’s got to be Lee? Bill said it was in a totally difference league than anything else they’d seen. John said he’d gladly give him his leading man shoes to wear in the West End.

Another trio was next: Craig was with professionals Daniel and Lee which Zoe thought would either “help him or hinder him”. That’s why they pay her the big bucks, eh? They sang Don’t Rain On My Parade. Now that’s what I’m talking about! It was fantastic. Craig I think was actually slightly hindered because he just looked a little bit afraid, but he held his own. Andrew said “You showed me tonight why I love musicals” which is high praise from The Lord and actually just what I was thinking during the performance.

This week’s mission – to see how they’d get on in the seduction scene with Potiphar’s wife – was to seduce Denise Van Outen while the others watched on camera. Don’t worry, it was pre-watershed, so they just had to recite song lyrics to her as if they meant them. So tricky that even Lee struggled. Denise liked Daniel’s performance, but said Lewis did the best and he must’ve done because he was the only one that made me blush.

The final group number – all six of them this time – was of She Loves You and it was great. I thought Lewis and Ben should have been in the bottom two. None of the judges agreed with me about Ben, but two nominated Lewis with Bill going for Keith and Denise for Craig.

Daniel (who got the lowest votes) and Lewis were in the sing-off and I assumed Andrew would save Daniel as did Lewis, who said sweetly, “Don’t worry, Daniel.” They had to sing Bring Him Home from Les Miserables and it was completely brilliant. They were both great, but Daniel’s voice and acting were amazing. I’ve said this before, but you can see Lewis acting in a way you never can with Daniel or Lee. I’d written this whole paragraph about how Andrew was obviously going to save Daniel and then the bugger went and saved Lewis.

I actually started crying as soon as Daniel got into position for Close Every Door, although I was disappointed that he over-egged the finish. And I wasn’t crying anywhere near as much as Lewis who returned to the other Josephs actually sobbing and carried on snivelling right to the end, the big jessie. So bye Daniel Boys (I thought I’d use his name so if he Googles himself he’ll see how much I loved him), for the last however many weeks you’ve made a 35-year-old woman very happy.

Any Dream Will Do: BBC1, Saturday 26th May at 8.05pm and 9.55pm

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