Wow, we’re nearly halfway through and things are shaping up nicely they’re making the candidates get up earlier every week. They met Surallen at Christies. Ooh! It’s the art challenge, I’d forgotten.

The teams were challenged to put on a photographic exhibition – the team that sold the most would win. Kristina was in charge of Stealth; Natalie of Eclipse – neither had any knowledge of the art market. Although Posh Katie of Eclipse seemed like she might be a valuable asset for schmoozing. Off the teams went to look at the photographers they had to choose from. Oh lord, they choose these photographers on purpose – dripping shiny lips for £950 each. Mmm. Eclipse went to look: Katie buttered up lip lady, Adam asked how much her pictures were. (£950 to £1950!)

Stealth visited another photographer, whose pictures were of weird, large faux-animals lying around, looking dead (yet somehow humourous)… "This is my family album," explained the photographer before Tre’s scathing attitude upset him. Classy. Kristina jumped straight in to asking about prices with the next photographer, who had some very pretty horsey pics. Nick was impressed that she asked the photographer for a commitment, but the snapper wouldn’t guarantee it.

Over at Eclipse, Simon got grumpy about how long everything was taking, with the whole team travelling together. Adam looked glum, just for a change. Ooh! Fish photos. Fish on breasts and fish on washing lines. Um… nice. You know, those lip photos are looking better all the time. Kind of kitschy… Oh dear, Natalie was terribly rude (answering the phone, saying she had no time etc) to the horse man.

Both teams chose the same photos for their exhibitions – the lips and the horses. Nick and Margaret phoned the photographers so they could choose which team to go for: Eclipse got lip lady, Stealth, horse man. Both teams then had to find someone new but that was kind of glossed over – Eclipse got some photos of Morocco, Stealth… those tasty (um…) fish.

There was in-fighting on Eclipse as Natalie’s team argued with Adam. "He needs to be on a car sales lot," said Katie, "And get run over." Hoo! Is it me, or does Katie hate everyone? (Behind their backs).

Anyway! Stealth called the list of contacts one of their photographers (horse man, I think) gave them – Eclipse had no such list as lip lady wouldn’t give it to them (helpful!) so went into the City to hit people up, handing out leaflets. Or trying to – no-one was really that interested. Leader Natalie took on the easier job of hanging things and trying to avoid Adam, who was sent to the basement to call contacts from their other photographer."He’s just negative," Natalie said.

The unpopular member of the other team was also "Put in the basement for a reason" said Kristina, giving Tre the nipple fish to hang. He turned three of them around because he found them offensive, so that was helpful… He made up a load of bumph to tell potential buyers. "Fantastic," said one of his victims. Kristina’s team went for the hard sell but Natalie’s were warned by the lip lady and her husband not to go in too hard. Adam felt they’d totally lost focus on selling. But Katie wanted to give it a go – and felt only she and Lohit (where’s he been hiding btw? Has he had more than a minute of screen time yet?) would be the best at it. They weren’t. They sold nada.

Okay, I officially love the lip pics now: purple glitter! Cute and kitsch. The softly-softly approach of Natalie’s team didn’t work too well and a pushy Simon and Adam sold some pics. Ooh whatever next?! Well, on the other team, Tre sold some fish bits. What a night!

It was back to the boardroom to see who’d made the most money.Tre felt he’d done brilliantly. Katie knew she hadn’t sold and Adam had, but still said she was better than him. But which team had won?

Eclipse sold four photos, making £1599.78 profit. Stealth sold 14 photos… making £4702. Stealth went off for a celebration in the corridor and a trip to a spa. Eclipse was in for return trip to the boardroom…

Lohit spoke some more! Katie bigged herself up. Again. She’s a saint, that woman. Big Al told her she’d been too arty-farty and was in awe of lip lady. Simon said Lohit’s labels were crap. Alan and Super-Margaret criticised everyone. Surallen said lip lady’s pictures were too expensive and not a good bet: "You’re waiting for some nutter to come in and say ‘I love the lips! I wanna whole wall of lips!’" Price. Less. Bicker, bicker, bicker…

Natalie brought Adam and Lohit back in for the final showdown. Lohit because of his duff labels, Adam (who called heaps of contacts and sold two photos) for "not being punchy enough" and for being negative.They bickered some more. Alan said Adam alienates people. Adam said he’d done everything he was asked and defended himself well. People are trying to make him the scapegoat… I could almost warm to him. Bicker bicker… Nat said she was a good team player – Surallen said that judging by her CV she’d be a good executive assistant. Oooh! He told Lohit he kept being in the losing team and that Adam was always in dispute. Adam… disputed that.

The Shug shrugged, then gave Natalie the old Spanish archer. She was very good-natured about it. Back at the house, everyone thought Adam would have gone. Then he walked in the door and they clapped. Dirty turncoats.

Next week, the remaining ten candidates will be selling British food in France. Mon Dieu! Ah well, it’s a free holiday innit…

PS: I’m starting to think Tre is a Borat type interloper. I hope he is… Tre quote of the week? "I’m not convinced by Darwinist theroies of evolution… I didn’t come from Fish, she might have done."

[Diane Shipley]

Don’t forget Surallen’s also busy over at The Googly, Shiny’s cricket blog, every week!

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