I've only ever seen Grand Designs (Channel 4, Wednesday, 9pm) once before. Thankfully, I'd reviewed it on these very pages for posterity. All that time ago, I'd said that I didn't know what to make of it all. Guess what? Not much has changed on that score.

Is this a documentary? Reality TV? Self help? DIY? Just what heading does this show come under? The human need to categorise means that this show needs a place to live, and, after watching it last night, I wouldn't be surprised if it built itself some art-deco styled conversion and proclaimed "I am a post modern interest show!"

Surely I was asking for trouble? I'd watched one property programme and felt annoyed. So going head-first into another was lunacy? Right? I'd like to tell you about the pleasant surprise I had... but it's not happening I'm afraid. Even though the ingredients for my bile are all there, this show didn't seem half as bad as Relocation, Relocation for some reason. Of course, this was a show filled with people throwing money around with wild abandon, and of course, it featured loathsome words like "potential" and "investment". That all said, I think I quite liked the couple featured in the show, and that always helps doesn't it?

Apparently, last week the viewers of Grand Designs saw someone renovating a castle. That would have made me furious no question. This week, we got to see a lovely (and idealistic) couple called Alex and Cheryl. Kevin McCloud was, as ever, on hand to wax lyrical about oozing staircases and sweeping windowsills (or summat). This week, McCloud really had something to get his teeth into.  This couple had a achingly lovely thatched cottage in the New Forest... which was destroyed by fire. Instead of doing what most would and thinking 'sod it', they went to town on it and restored it with some new flourishes. Don't worry, there'll be no talk of sumptuous sheds here. Basically, from a knackered burned out wreck, they ended up with a thatched cottage which simultaneously looked old and a bit like Darth Vader. It really was a very nice house.

This all said, I still don't know what Grand Designs is. I imagine that, if I watched it again, I'd be full of violent fury as some pinko posho decided that he in fact wanted a pantry made from an old space shuttle or whatever. The show didn't tell me anything useful. The show didn't help me in anyway. In fact, it just made me jealous that some people have lots and lots of money and are able to build bloody huge houses to live in. Their cocks are certainly superior to mine when it comes to waving. [Mof Gimmers]