Why do I do it? Why do I watch programmes that I know I hate? Do I like the catharsis of ranting and raving about moronic shows the day after? Do I feel better after unloading my needless bile? Well, the answer to that is ‘not really’. Alas, I watched 10 Years Younger (Channel 4, Thursday, 8pm) and once again, I’m about to go off on a wild eyed tirade.

Nicky Hambleton-Jones, the presenter of 10 Years Younger, is 100 years old. She doesn’t look it. She sleeps in vinegar to pickle her porcelain skin. However, with that amount of vinegar, it’s hardly surprising that her attitude is acidic and that any depth of personality she may have once had has been lost in her Sarsons bathing sessions.

They say beauty is only skin deep. In fact, someone wrote a terrible song about it so it must be true. So, with 10 Years Younger having a penchant for chemical peels – a beautifying process that sees Dr Jan Stanek pouring acid on someone’s face to burn their skin off – what does that leave you with? If beauty is only skin deep and you burn it off, then what you are left with is a a frazzled and ugly person. I say ugly because if looks didn’t matter, then this show wouldn’t exist would it?

After watching this poxy show for the millionth time, something occurred to me that hasn’t occurred to me before. That thought is: What is the point in watching more than one episode of 10 Years Younger? Each programme is exactly the same. Not similar to the other. A carbon copy. This in itself is a brilliant piece of accidental satire on the show’s part. Why? Because it seems that no matter what is ‘wrong’ with an individual, the same treatment is offered to ‘fix’ them. Smash their teeth out, cut and dye their hair, peel their skin off, buy them some new clothes and give them some make-up tips. That’s it. That’s the show.

A newer feature of the programme is to house mental torture in a cold white room. Yesterday, the lady being made to look 10 years more youthful was walked around this oppressive room with pictures of her past. In short, she was made to walk past her steady decline in some kind of cruel timeline. Of course, viewers can all coo "Oh! You were quite attractive when you were 19! Now look at you! You disgusting mess!" By the time this mental warfare is over, the participant will be up for any advice, no matter how odd, thrown up by Hambleton-Jones.

Now, you may be thinking that I’m laying it on a bit in an attempt to ram my unpopular theory home. Well, think again. The torture timeline is the second stage of the meanness. The first stage is to stand the participant in the street so morons can point at them and say "Oh dear. She looks haggard" and "Oh lord! What is it! It is making me want to spew! Can’t you put it down or something?! For chrissssakes do something about it! Kill it! Kill it! KILL IIIIT!" In fact, when yesterday’s participant watched the highlight reel of her morning of abuse from strangers on the street, she cried. A lot. In fact, I think 10 Years Younger broke a record yesterday. We had sorrow and tears a mere 5 minutes into the show. Now, keep in mind that the theme music and round-ups take around 2.5 minutes, and you’ll see how quickly they put their designer boot in.

What’s interesting about this show is that they don’t normally make people look better and/or younger. It’s just a case of, by the time the whole process is done, the person transformed by a brutal makeover is more than happy to weep tears of joy at the results. Much like a hostage cries on release. Last night’s showing was a classic example. The woman in question was a bit of a squib, rather fond of biker gear and swimming a lot. So leathers and knackered hair. Well, by the end, her ‘amazing transformation’ left her looking like Judy Finnegan without the shakes. Thanks Team Younger. Thanks a f*cking bunch. [Mof Gimmers]