Are people who partake in voting for Big Brother all evil swine? Why? Well, after watching the moronic gas bag that is Jackiey Budden (Jade Goody’s mum to me and you) on last nights Celebrity Big Brother, you got the feeling that people are going to keep her in, showing how, like the programme itself, the vote has become a cynical exercise in faux-entertainment. Even Jade cried "My mum’s doing my head in". Have we sunk so low that we’re all loving the fact we can potentially break up families by text message? Oh, it’s been a weird weekend in the house…

I’ll imagine that all my dear readers have a far more thrilling life than me. You’ve been out on the town larging it, whilst I’ve been in, waiting for Celebrity Big Brother to come on with left-over selection boxes from Christmas and an overwhelming sense of ‘this is not how I imagined my life to turn out’. You have fun, I suffer. I report, you claim to have seen the show to your workmates/friends.

This weekend, we saw a couple of housemates leaving the fold. One in traditional ways, the other through the door after requesting out in the diary room. Yep, Donny Tourette decided to do the classic Big Brother thing and hop over the wall and back into the arms of his bands shattered credibilty (although, having heard Towers of London, I’m not sure there was much cred’ to beat up). The gist of his departure was due to Jade Goody‘s family being moved in. Donny, being a servant to the Goody family unit in the latest task, pretty much said "I aint being a servant for a moron like that…" (except with more expletives). Also leaving was enfant terrible of British cinema, Ken Russell.

Basically, Ken didn’t like Jade’s clan, and hilariously, his parting words to Ms Goody were "I think you’re slightly demented, darling. You should be put in a straight jacket." It would seem that the Jade crew have upset the apple cart more than Big Brother had previous intended. Jermaine obviously doesn’t like them, but being a tolerant man, he’s hanging on in there. However, if Jermaine does pop, then the fury and bile that comes forth will surely be like something from a Hieronymus Bosch painting (click here to see what that analogy means) due to years of squashing negativity down in his stomach.

Jackiey has also had a run-in with Shilpa. It would seem (judging from the reaction on Big Brother’s Big Mouth) that the verdict on Ms Shetty is split. Jade’s gravel voiced parent had a strange row with the bollywood superstar after Shilpa asked if she could be called by her name as opposed to "princess".  This was somehow turned into a row by the scally mother with one arm, who delightfully (when I say delightfully, please read dismally) retorted with "I’ll just refer to you as ‘oi’ then", and followed it up with a "Listen shooper, or whatever your name is…" From this, it would seem that the panel of people on …Big Mouth think that Jackiey is "honest" and "down-to-earth". By this, I couldn’t help but think that mild racism and flatulence seems to be the easiest way of showing how ‘real’ you are. Amazingly, there are people who think that Jade’s woeful mother is being manipulated by a clearly upset Shetty.

This is why I mentioned earlier that the voting public are indeed an evil set of sods. I know! Let’s watch everyone get upset and leave! I mean, Jackiey is real isn’t she!? Regardless of the fact that Jade spent most of her time on the point of nervous breakdown, and everyone else is cowering in the bedroom for fear of crossing the snide witch. Great TV it aint. Still, the insane people who spend their time permanently camped outside the Big Brother house (well, it seems like that) will boo and cheer her regardless.

Apart from all that, Leo Sayer (everyone’s favourite to win it seems) was told by him-from-the-A-Team (Dirk Benedict) that he never listens and interrupts people too often, which saw Sayer go mute for far too long. Basically, Sayer, always the chipper wacky one decided to act like a petulant six-year-old, and it made him look rather foolish indeed. Still, I think the nation is still adoring him, largely due to the fact he has funny hair and he’s very short for an adult human. I can’t recall too much more from the weekend, other than Jackiey’s farting… but now they’ve got Jade’s Grandparents in… and gawd knows what kind of horror they’ll bring to the house. [Mof Gimmers]