…then you must be mad! It’s Christmas week – traditionally the highlight of the TV year for movies. I couldn’t possibly pick just one from the gamut of glittering goodness that is the TV movie schedule over the next ten days.

So click through below for a fast forward (or, as it says in the translated instructions for my new multi-media screen: "Soon Forward") through some of the highlights of the movies on offer.

Thrillers:

Speed (C4, 9.30pm Saturday 23 December)
Far, far superior to its sequel, Keanu Reeves jumps aboard a speeding coach to save driver Sandra Bullock and her passengers from the bomb planted by Dennis Hopper, which will explode if the bus slows below 50mph.

The 39 Steps (BBC4, 7.35pm Boxing Day)
Hitchcock’s 1935 original starring Robert Donat and Madeleine Carroll puts all later versions in the shade. The late, great thriller/horror director knows how to build the tension like no other.

Animation:

Chicken Run (BBC1, 6.40pm Christmas Eve)
Nick Park and his team pull off another many-layered gigglefest with lots of fun action for the kids and more than a few classic film spoof moments to keep the grown-ups interested.

Monsters, Inc (BBC1, 3.55pm Christmas Day)
Of all the fabulous Pixar creations this is definitely at the top of the tree – Sulley and Mikey scream and wisecrack their way through the story of Monstropolis’ energy crisis and how to fix it.

Fantasy:

Miracle on 34th Street (Sky Cinema 1, 4.30pm Christmas Eve)
The 1949 original (and best) version starring Natalie Wood and Edmund Gwenn.

Babe (BBC1, 11.20am Christmas Day)
Fun for all the family as the most intelligent pig in the world enters the sheep dog trials.

Pirates of the Caribbean: the Curse of the Black Pearl (BBC1, 7.30pm Boxing Day)
Another chance to see Johnny Depp in the first Pirates adventure – this time with the chance to watch Pirates of the Caribbean 2: Dead Man’s Chest on DVD straight after!

Epics (of one sort or another):

Gladiator (Film4, 9pm Christmas Day)
Russell Crowe’s finest hour as disenfranchised General Maximus who becomes a gladiator to seize his chance for revenge on the spineless worm Commodus. Contains one of the most wonderfully crafted (and delivered) lines in movie history: "My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions, loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius. Father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife, and I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next."

Unforgiven (ITV4, 9pm Christmas Day)
After several attempts at an almost identical story, Clint Eastwood finally makes the movie he wanted and won two Oscars for it (as well as Best Supporting Actor for Gene Hackman, and best editing). Eastwood’s long years playing gunslingers really pay off and he gives one of the finest performances of his career.

Trainspotting (Film4, 11pm Wednesday 27 December)
A young Ewan McGregor stars in Danny Boyle’s seminal work (from the novel by Irvine Welsh) on the futility of using heroin to escape from Edinburgh’s murky underbelly. Never an easy watch, but worth it for the splendid performances from McGregor and supporting cast including Robert Carlyle as the psycho Begbie.

Million Dollar Baby (Sky Movies 7, 11pm Thursday 28 December)
Clint Eastwood proves he’s as adept at throwing fists as slinging guns in this moving tale of a fading boxing coach whose backstreet gym is lit up by the arrival of waitress Hilary Swank. Swank’s hard work and innate gift for boxing slowly convince Eastwood and his sidekick Morgan Freeman that she could go all the way.

Comedy:

A Fish Called Wanda (C4, 11.15pm Christmas Eve)
Towering (literally) excellence from John Cleese (as both writer and lead) in what is his funniest work for the big screen. Jamie Lee Curtis proves she’s no slouch at comedy either, as does her on-screen lover Kevin Kline, but as I’ve always found characters who stutter side-splittingly funny it’s Michael Palin’s Ken Pile who steals the show for me.

Pretty Woman (ITV1, 11.15pm Boxing Day)
The film that effectively launched Julia Roberts’ career is a rare thing – a romantic comedy that is both funny and romantic. Roberts and Richard Gere are utterly believable as the prostitute and the ruthless businessman who needs her to fill the space on his arm and the inevitable twists and turns of their relationship remain on the right side of farce. 

…more next week!