Oz & James’ Big Wine Adventure is hardly the most catchy of programme titles, but thankfully, it does exactly what it says on the… er… bottle. Starting last night (first of a five parter in other words), we saw two very different people set off into the heart of France to find out about wine, but both with very different motives. James May, lethargic petrolhead dosser and scruffbag from Top Gear, wants to find out enough about wine to enable him to buy decent plonk from a supermarket. Oz Clarke, flowery procrastinating nitwit from Food & Drink wants May to embrace the world of enthusing about the various levels of wine and it’s history. Destined for failure?

The pair set off in an old Jag through rural France to visit some of the world’s best wine makers. I’m sure that I’ve used the wrong phrase… that I should have said vineyards or something… but it doesn’t really matter does it? I’m not being tested. James May is adamant that he won’t buckle under the weight of Oz Clarke’s ‘poncey’ wordiness. He wants simple advice to enable him to buy wine with half decent knowledge. As we know, Clarke is rather extravagant in his depiction of the tastes that come through on a wine, for which, May had gone prepared. For every time Clarke began to waffle on about "rich fruits coming through a bitter… earthy… soily texture, adrift in a pungent aroma of tennis shoe running on tarmac…" James would pull out a whistle and give it a sharp toot. The whistle is called ‘The Wine Ponce Whistle’ for the record.

James May states early in the show that "My mission is to have a drink – and I don’t give a pig’s fart for the woody high notes!" It’s his sullen sulks that make the programme hilarious to watch. In one pant wetting scene last night, whilst in a huge chateau owned by some smuggo English posho bloke, Clarke, eager to make a good impression with his protege, shares a bottle of incredibly expensive Bordeaux. Clarke, hoping and waiting for May’s response with the keenness of a slightly simple child watches in hilarious horror as May takes a big whiff and declares that the wine smells like "Trebor fruit salad". It is a stunning moment of TV.

Clarke, is by all accounts, a twit. A twit in the truest sense of the word. A giddy Englishman out and about desperate to show off to anyone and anything. In it’s own way it’s quite charming, but that’s only from afar… being there must have been quite a different scenario altogether. In fact, a very shrewd May quips "I think Oz will turn out to be quite an annoying man." Hilariously, May makes some of his own wine and brews up a cloudy moonshine which he dubs "Du vin de Boot de Jaguar". His glee in watching various French people gagging on his homebrew is only surpassed when, inexplicably, some chap prefers it to the expensive alternative. Clarke, obviously, is flabbergasted. This is a joyful programme of two opposites clashing with equal wit and pomp and definitely worth further viewing. [Mof Gimmers]