I've seen some stupid TV shows in my life, some of which bring new levels of wrongness to the fore, but Honey We're Killing The Kids (BBC3, 9pm, Thursdays) is a whole new ball park of wrong-gramming. For a start, this jaw dropping, eye lid prising show can predict the future of a child with the use of Photoshopping. See? Look left. That poor kid was predicted to look like that loser on the right by the incredible and crass minds of the people behind HWKD (I'll be abbreviating it from now on because I'm lazy). If you want scare mongering and fright tactics based on very little, this is the show for you.

The show revolves around an O'Brien figure from George Orwell's 1984. Psychology 'expert' Kris Murrin  takes families into her own version of Room 101... a huge white room with no soft furnishings... just exposed brick and a giant white screen to show hidden nightmares of their kids in horrifying 20 ft tall tragedy. This loon takes results from (no doubt) dubious testing, and shows families the devastating effects their lifestyle on their children. Basically, with flimsy evidence, Murrin predicts the future. Now, unless you have a flux capacitor from Back To The Future, I thought time travel was impossible. It would seem that this bunch of lunatics on HWKD's is more than happy to take a pair of hopeful punts, and flatly state them as fact.

Last night, my complete disbelief saw Carla Keirle, the mum of Bobby and Louis, shown a picture of what they'll look like at 40. One was dressed in Burberry and was for all the world, a smack head. The other? An obese grimacing nightmare with a life expectancy of bugger all. Murrin, in best villain voice said "What do you think of that?" Carla, in floods of confused tears shouted "I HATE THOSE MEN! I NEVER WANT TO SEE THEM AGAIN!" Unfortunately for Carla, everytime she went back to this dreadful room, they persisted in showing her these horrible images. In fact, Ms Keirle confessed to having nightmares about them. Now which university taught Murrin that scaring people half to death was a good idea?

Giving the mum some loose fitting guidelines, Murrin gave steely glances at every opportunity, and rarely offering support... only doom. Again, most of these shows give a helping hand in these cases, but not HWKD. Nope. It would seem telling someone that they are doing things wrong, and showing them how terrible their kids will 'definitely' be in the future is seemingly sufficient. Absolutely shocking. Naturally, by the end, after the mum has worried herself daft, they show an alternative ending, showing her pictures of her kids sat on a speedboat in the south of France with bikini clad wives on mobile phones drinking smoothies.

OK, although the last bit is made up, it's not that far from the truth. They did cut to an 'alternative ending' which showed her kids aged 40, smiling and healthy looking. But what of circumstance? Following this morons advice means only one thing. They're eating better food in the present. That's it. What happens if the kids get a bit older and start making their own decisions? Didn't think of that did you Murrin? TV to make you angry and ill... and so, quite good fun to watch. [Mof Gimmers]