Washed out ’80s pop star? Check. Ambitious glamourpuss nobody has heard of yet ? Check. Posh bird who hasn’t done much on the telly for years? Check. Awkward character with dodgy plastic surgery? Check.
Yes it’s that time of year again. As Ant and Dec prepare to almost wet themselves with joy at how they can’t believe their luck the Bushtucker Trials, or gasp with horror when a contestant says the ‘c-word (yes the real c-word), GMTV have kindly revealed the roll of z-list honour heading for the jungle.
And already the moaning has started. "Who?" say the whingers (and I’m one of them too, I’m really not criticising people having something to say on the matter!) "None of them’ll be worth watching!" or even (God forbid) "Where’s the Hoff?"
Even those "rumoured" to be on the plane – Chris Quinten, Malandra Burrows, Malcolm McClaren, James Whale, Rachel Stevens and Abi Titmus – were pretty low rent. I mean, it’s hardly the showbiz glitterati.
But that’s the point isn’t it? What did we all expect? We’re not gonna get Kylie and Liza, so their ex-squeezes will have to do. We warm to these people as they reveal their inner selves in between swinging on ropes and wrestling with crocs. They don’t have to be stars when they go in, they’re just desperate to be more of a "somebody" when they come out. Do they not learn, have they not seen the lady advertising curries for a quid from Iceland?
Me? I’m still holding out for The Hoff or even Brian Tilsley. But then I’m easily pleased. There is hope though as don’t ITV traditionally hold back their ‘big guns’ to the 11th hour, like Channel Four did with this woman in Celebrity Big Brother?
And you can always look on the bright side. At least this raving egomaniac wheeler dealer has been banished back to daytime. Cheap as chips? you bet. [Linda]
