The Big Brother Finale: Who Wins? (Clue: Aisleyne)

Well, the grand finale is almost upon us, and it’s all over bar the shouting. Oh no, wait – we’ve had the shouting, too. We had it last night, along with the hissy fits, the bullying, the amateur dramatics and the pure, undiluted awfulness. Aren’t you pleased they put Nikki back in?!

The evil granny-child has excelled herself this week, with even Perfect Pete starting to question her sanity as Thikki threw the mother of all strops, one eye on the camera at all times as she choreographed her way through what her time in the outside world has clearly taught her is her one of her “crowd-pleasing”, “trademark” tantrums.

Not, of course, that Perfect Pete has been totally perfect himself, lately.

The housemates are asked to do a campaign-task, with each person making a speech on why another housemate should win. Aisleyne’s speech on Pete goes down like a lead balloon, to the clear horror of Ais, who clearly hadn’t realised that, in the past week, Pete has gone through a total personality shift, turning from the laid-back, friendly-but-dull, all round nice guy we have known for weeks, into someone so totally obsessed with winning that it’s actually quite uncomfortable to watch him.

Day 92, and the penny finally drops: the housemates are on a game show. It’s all been a game! A game which one of them actually stands a chance of winning. Who knew?

Weirdly, the house mates appear to have unanimously agreed amongst themselves that Pete should win. When Ais giggles through her speech, they react badly. Ais goes crawling to Pete to apologise. Pete grudgingly accepts the apology, before retiring to the diary room to place his head in his hands and whine that he is “done for”. Pete will never win now. His legions of fans are, even now, pausing mid-dial to listen to Aisleyne’s speech and say, “Wait a minute! I’m not voting for him! That speech was crap!” And, after the break, O.J. catches the real murderers!

Throughout the night, the rest of the house mates take it in turns to bitch about Ais. Jennie explains that her cage-wrestling boyfriend, who apparently will not have noticed Jennie’s single-minded pursuit of Pete, will have heard Aileyne ask, “Do you fancy Pete, Jen?” and will have immediately freaked. Jennie, who has only just remembered that she even has a boyfriend, will be dumped, and it is all Aisleyne’s fault. Dickie, never one to miss an opportunity to be sanctimonious, sits with the distraught Aisleyne and explains, kindly headmaster style, exactly where she has gone wrong, and how she has let herself down.

The power the house mates attribute to Ais is amazing. Ais can stop people voting, purely by giggling a lot during a speech! She can break up relationships with one sentence! Can she win, though? The house mates think not. Aisleyne thinks not. If she somehow manages it, it will be worth it just to see the look on all their faces. The cutaway to Grace and Mikey alone, as Ais is declared the winner, will make all the money I’ve spent on voting worthwhile.

We must all vote for Aisleyne. If you have any doubt at all that this is the case, let this short paragraph, courtesy of convince you:

In her time in the house, Aisleyne has been called a bitch, slag, f*****g slut, wigga, dick, cow, moose, wannabe black girl, hoochie mama, ghetto ho, hood rat, ugly, hideous, vile, revolting, fake, a**elicker, drowned rat, easy, and the most evil woman in the entire world (thanks, Lea). In her time in the house, she has called Nikki boring, Lea manipulative, and Grace a bitch after she threw water at Susie.

Vote Ais. You know you want to: 09011 32 33 14

[Amber McNaught]

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *