So we’ve got a new housemate. Seemingly picked at random during a wonky lottery style game during Big Brother‘s Friday eviction show, Susie was chosen as the ‘golden housemate’ after ‘winning’ a ticket from Kit Kat.

The worrying thing about Friday’s show was that the British Public let me down. After being sensible and getting rid of Sezer, the public did the unthinkable and kept The Ringer in. Word’s fail me. So what of the new Golden Girl then?

Susie, it turns out, bought about 6000 Kit Kat’s to win, and in the end, made her husband buy her one (I WANT A GOLDEN GOOSE DADDY!) for a frankly stupid amount of £4000! She’s a posho model, who doesn’t like swearing or people (it would seem). However, as she’s ‘Golden’, she has to wear gold, and gets to choose which 2 housemates are up for eviction next weekend. The house primates know this which means they’re all being super nice to her… to her face at least.

The knives are already in Susie’s back with Imogen (faux nicety incarnate) and Lisa (Bez’s crack years trapped inside a woman) leading the back-stab-pack. "It’s like being around someone’s mum, you have to be careful what you
say," whined Lisa. "She ain’t even young-headed. She wouldn’t jump in
the pool with us and stuff. She’s so posh. "I’ve got nothing against posh people you know that, don’t you?" Imogen agreed "I’ve worked with posh people so I’m totally used to it.
I like having intellectual conversations but I also like to p*** about.
I don’t want to sit around and talk."

"Talk about what, trees and dreams?" said Lisa in a rare moment of genius wit. "She’s not interested in anything you have to say," complained Imogen. "You
can’t say anything around her, I’ve even stopped swearing," said Lisa, telling one of the most outrageous
lies in history. "I hope
she doesn’t think less of Pete for it, he can’t help it," she added.
"And Lea hasn’t talked dirty at all around her, she’s going boring."

So there you have it Imogen and Lisa… idiots of the first degree, and Susie, due more snipers.[Mof Gimmers]

Big Brother, C4, everynight at 10pm