by Mof Gimmers

Did you know that you can grade celebrities like beef? If, say, Brad Pitt is a sirloin steak, and Ant & Dec are pork chops, then Jade Goody is without question Billy Bear Sausage.

Perhaps it is her fondness for cheap meat, pummelled into a deranged smiling bear head that has caused her latest public humiliation.

Not being able to run very far.

You see, Jade, rather amusingly took part in the London Marathon. Now,
with Jade having her own fitness workout video, you would have thought she got
to training, to show the British public that she wasn’t just a rent-a-gob who
can’t speak proppa, who is no longer a laughing stock from shameful nakedity on
Big Brother and the owner of one slightly weathered one armed parent.

It would seem that Ms. Goody got her TicTacs tactics all wrong.

Hecklerspray reported
that "Goody blames her lack of training and fondness for takeaway food and
alcohol on her abysmal performance".

The director of the London Marathon, which sees people dressed up in vintage
deep sea diver gear competing alongside Z-Grade Celebs, Darren Bedford said "We, of course, recommend that everyone that
takes part in the marathon trains, and to start by thinking I’m just going to
walk round and not even be able to walk a marathon clearly shows she’s done
nothing and is not in good shape. I don’t know whether the marathon money that
she was raising will be lost because she dropped out. That, of course, would be
a great shame and would in some ways show that she should have taken the event
more seriously."

The charity in question, the NSPCC, must be ruing the day they agreed to let a
obesetron hobble around London in their name.

Whether she said this or not is yet to be denied.

"Moiee feets hurted! Oi fink vis running fing wus stoopeed. Oi finked that
getting a taxi wud ‘av been easier. So I got a cab and finked that ver running
wus too ‘ard."

So, to sum up, Jade Goody, beaten by a man in a
suit of amour and a 90 year old woman. Hat’s off to you… you lazy bloody
sod.