by Mof Gimmers

The Games is a funny old programme, it really really is. Part reality show, part sporting event. So you get to see people in tears at personal woe with the added joy of seeing Jamie Theakston pretending to be Alan Hansen. Weird.

Last night gave me more than I could have hoped for. To be honest, I hadn't really hoped for much. Boy, am I glad I tuned in!

You see, there was just enough car crash telly to keep me smirking. However, it came from places I could never imagine in my wildest dreams.

Last night belonged to two people. Notably Michelle Gayle, former Eastenders actress and Popstrel, and Adam Rickett, gaunt and muscled, and former Corrie star. Oh, he also had a really bad single out.

Firstly, Michelle, who was competing in the ladies 50m swimming race. For most of the contestants, the two lengths of the pool required felt like a doddle. Javine sprinted home to win with her personal best. In saying that, she used to swim for her county so it's no surprise that she won. The rest fought it out for seconds and thirds... apart from Michelle.

You see, Ms Gayle had never learned how to swim, and doing so infront of loads of howling people must have been... a trifle embarrassing. The VT showed Gayle with her foamy float thrashing wildly in the pool mere days before the event. To the race, Michelle's belly flopped entrance into the pool set the tone for the rest of her laps. A times, it looked like five people swimming, and one crocodile trying to wrestle a goat into the water. And struggling. It was a beautiful sight, and I would have disqualified her for dragging herself the last few yards along the lane ropes. I'm mean though, and she received a standing ovation from all.

The next oddity was that of Rickett. The men were competing in the diving. From 10 metres above the pool. That's a bloody long way up. In training, most had got the hang of it. All except young Adam. Sure enough, he showed his bravery by climbing to the toppermost, but he hit the water all wrong and smashed his eyes up good and manky. Thankfully, and surprisingly, he didn't moan and whine.

What was quite startling was the fact that, the diving comp was actually quite good. The standard was, well, much higher than I expected. Peter Duncan, at 50+, looked ridiculously lean and fit. He actually won the dive event, and strutted around in exceedingly small red trunks. Duncan is fitter, braver and more sprightly than I could ever wish to be. If I was there, they'd have to phone for a helicopter to come and fetch me, trembling in my Bermuda shorts, from the lowest diving board.

To all contestants. I salute your lunacy.