by Mof Gimmers
C4 continue in their quest to shine a light on all those awful people in the world, commonly known as ‘the Great British Public’.
Switch on anytime after 7pm, and you’ll find your box wagging a finger at you, and in the case of It’s Me or the Dog, wearing a catsuit and charging around the country staring in disbelief at some of the strangest dogs on this flea bitten planet.
Victoria Stilwell, who presents the show, is grade A TV hostess, complete with camp mannerisms and a slight whiff of the dominatrix. Fabulous stuff. Where Barbara Woodhouse left off shouting "Si-tah", Stilwell slinkily purrs in the vacant slot.
Last night’s episode saw, to be quite frank, the weirdest set-up ever seen on TV. Mandy Whiteman, and her blatantly long suffering and frustrated husband have two lapdogs. You’d be fair in assuming that they are already asking for trouble, and that they perhaps should have a) Bought a proper dog like, say, a Sheepdog or b) Actually had some children. The names of the Whiteman’s dog’s should give further clue to the insanity going on in their house.
Enter stage right, Teddy Pom Pom and Prince Louis.
Where Prince Louis was generally, quite a mellow hound, Teddy Pom Pom (believe, it doesn’t get less strange the more you say it) on the other hand was suffering from being a cocky little shit.
From the off, it was evident that Teddy Pom Pom was ruling the roost, along with his partner in crime, Mandy. When the programme showed Paris Hilton green skin-fest style footage of Mandy and Martin climbing into bed, Teddy excelled in being awful. It took Martin around 30 minutes to get into (his own) bed, all the while, Teddy Pom Pom bounced around biting him and barking with the sound of a sore throat trying to squeeze it’s way out of a miniature rasping moped.
Obviously, Stilwell is horrified at this behaviour, and startlingly, Mandy Whiteman laughs about it all. Stilwell goes on to explain that her entire circle of family and friends are incredibly unhappy, that her husband isn’t getting what he needs from a relationship and that, if it goes on, Teddy Pom Pom should be put down. It is worth noting that Mandy laughed at everyone else’s unhappiness, and nearly cries at the thought of her ‘baby’ being booted into a canal with bricks tied to it’s feet. Ok, in fairness, they weren’t going to do that, but you could feel the nation begging it.
Teddy Pom Pom, a terrifyingly pathetic ginger fuzzball with the eyes of PeeWee Herman will attack anyone trying to get near his beloved mum, so Stilwell takes drastic action with various techniques.
She begins by brilliantly squeezing air horns in his face, which sends him scuttling under feet and climaxes with the use of compressed air blown at his foaming little chops which frightens the piss out of the little horrorbag. Literally.
Basically, the presenter tries to turn TPP into a decent pooch, to which the relief at the thought of this is visible on the face of the poor old husband. Just when you thought the dog-cast was getting sensible, or worse still, heartwarming, cue Mandy with her South Welsh drawl.
"Does this mean he won’t be my little baby anymore?" And cue ace comedy timing from Martin and Stilwell who look toward each other with fiery disgust.
When Stilwell returns to see if her conditioning worked, she finds that all the pent up aggression from Mr Pom Pom is being released on Mandy’s foot. In the form of humping. Obviously, Stilwell is appalled, and has to actually ask the Welsh housewife to stop "tickling his belly with her foot whilst he’s humping" her. Then, realising what an incredibly bovine individual she’s dealing with, has to then explain that "by doing that, you’re really asking for it aren’t you? You are effectively stimulating him" and that he is actually doing if for "sexual" reasons. Again, cue Mandy.
"Oooh… I don’t want that… I promise I’ll stop stimulating him"
And with that, you could actually hear the hoots of derision and people fainting through coffee tables in utter disbelief.
Tune in next week, when Stilwell loses her cool and starts blowing up owners and their hounds with semtex and bicycle pumps…
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I am a professional dog trainer and I am completely appalled by this show. Her methods are avoidance not problem solvers and there is definite editing and cutting things out that they don’t want you to see. I have read some reviews so far and people actually believe everything they see on tv. There is a lot they don’t show you and on top of that Ms.positive reinforcement is a fraud. As a dog trainer/behaviorist I know all aspects of dog training. Therefore I have done at some point or another many many methods of training. Positive reinforcement should not be the only method of training, a good trainer uses whatever the situation calls for and Victorias methods do not teach pack leadership. Each episode I watch I notice more and more things they are faking on the show. There was one episode where the dog was opening the stove door, to get on the counter and eat food. Victorias uses this so called sound aversion which by the way can make your dog petrified of loud noises. She set up a siren to go off when the stove door opens. If this was to work on a dog the dog would immediately back away from the area. This particular dog did not back away, he kept moving forward and victoria says oh he’s still trying to go, then all of a sudden the dog gives a little shake of his head and backs away from the stove. Now anyone who is a real trainer would know that dog has just been shocked by an electronic collar. The dogs reaction was to flip his head a little, that is the reaction to a shock collar. I guess due to the popular demand for positive reinforcement training because it is so called humane has caused television to fake the fact that it works. When the situation calls for it you can use a few treats here and there but most of the time there is not reason to bribe your dog. That is not teaching pack leadership therefore Victoria is a fake trainer and is merely just a host of the show and an actress. On other episodes when you see the dogs start behaving they don’t look submissive they look exhausted. Something has been done prior to that scene and those dogs are so tired why would they bother to misbehave. Its not the things she is doing that is working, it is the things someone else is doing and she is pretending to be the reason. Pay attention the next time you watch an episode do some pausing and rewinding if you can and think about if what you are seeing makes any sense that it can work that fast. This show teaches that this is the only way to be with a dog and if it doesn’t work the dog should be put to sleep. I have seen these types of trainers actually advise that a dog be rehomed or put to sleep because it is too out of control, I would estimate 90% of the time the dog can be fixed with the right training, patience and behavior modification. This show is just sad.